RECON

So, where was I? 

Oh yes, still "fluffy" around the middle, stressed out, and broke. This week I've been trying to simplify and declutter a bit in an effort to streamline my life for thrift purposes and yesterday morning as I got dressed for a fundraising dinner, feeling all proud of myself for doing my hair and looking nice, I noticed that most of my clothes don't fit. Not just some of them, but most of them. Most of my really nice business attire, specifically. 
Sadly, they don't fit because they're too small, not because I'm too svelte to be wearing them anymore. Bummer. 

So I pulled a bunch of stuff out of my drawers and closet and took them to work to see if anyone was interested in taking the cute things. The rest will be going in the garage sale on 9/14. 

I know some of the clothes had been held onto in prior purges because I was dreaming of fitting into them again. When I was 20-30 lbs less, I had some really adorable clothes to wear! Alas, there's no going back. Even if I work out religiously, I know now that the only reason I was that small was because I was incredibly active and malnourished. When I finally achieve some semblance of fitness again, it's going to be full of muscles, and I likely won't fit into those clothes anymore anyway. I need to get rid of them instead of clinging to them out of this sense of nostalgia. 


Anyway, I've had to stop the CrossFit what with not being able to pay all my bills and such, so here's the new and improved plan for staying active now that I don't have a gym home. 

"A" and I are going to try to get together three times a week to work out, utilizing the fitness center at the condo complex he lives in. It's got limited amenities, with a recumbent bike, elliptical, treadmill, and a bow-flexish looking combination weight machine. There's also a pool, and the whole facility is accessed with a palm scanner. It's so hilarious getting into a tiny room with generic machines using a pin code and having your palm print scanned. Surreal. 

Anyway, "A" is more of a typical weightlifting athlete, starting his workouts with a mile run, then doing a few specific weight training exercises for 3 sets of 15 or whatever. Then he concludes with another mile and an ab routine. 

I devised a WOD using Google and the thought "hotel gym WODs" for our first workout... which was supposed to be last night. Here's what I had planned to do:

Warm Up:
-20 Minute "Run" on the elliptical (I am still trying to avoid those shin splints.)

WOD 1:
5 Minute AMRAP
-7 Lat Pulldowns
-10 Push Ups

WOD 2:
5 Minute AMRAP
-5x 1 arm alternating KB presses
-10 Sit Ups

Finisher:
2 Minute AMRAP
-Burpees


Using my new and improved life organization skills, I was all packed up and prepared to hit the gym after work yesterday. Alas, I failed to factor in how long the fundraising dinner would take! 

We ended up not getting home until 9 pm from the restaurant. (Where I ate terribly, by the way. All sorts of delicious fried food and a vodka mojito.)

I guess in hindsight I should have planned better and realized that we would be out socializing long after supper was finished. Rats. I'm actually kinda "meh" this morning and bummed out as a result.  It is really obvious that "A" and I are the type to put off a workout and by lazy instead of motivating each other to get to it.

I am worried that we're going to have a hard time making this plan work with our schedules, which is a real shame, because I think we'd enjoy working out together and I know I certainly want to be doing more things with him since it seems like when we get to hang out, we're either at his softball league or I'm sleeping. (Or both!)


As an incentive to help us meet our workout goals though, I thought a nice little present was in order. This will also keep me from blowing money whenever I find something I want. One gift after completing a specific goal for X amount of time. That's the new rule!

I was thinking that if we both meet our fitness goals of working out 3 times a week for 3 months, we can each get a new shirt from Rogue, since we are very fond of the ones we have. I may or may not be dreaming of more matching T-shirts. Is that weird? 

Wouldn't we be cute in this? Photo courtesy of www.roguefitness.com

I'm hoping for better times ahead, and I'm weighing my options because I really want to make my fitness a priority in my life even though I'm trying to downsize my spending and also have more time to be at home taking care of my personal needs. My buddy "I" has suggested that I tag along with him to LA Fitness to work on building my strength, since apparently "Strength is a bucket into which you pour fitness. Bigger the bucket, the more it can hold." 

He thinks that I'll meet my goals for looking better and being stronger sooner if I focus on my strength and not just keep sporadically WODing. I'm inclined to believe him, since he's always been very helpful in my past endeavors to understand my workouts. Anyway, maybe on nights when I'm in my home city instead of out where "A" lives I will be able to hit up the free weights at LA Fitness, utilizing his guest privileges. 

All I know is that I feel lousy today for eating crap and not meeting my daily organizational and self-care goals. I don't feel guilty, I physically feel terrible, and I can only blame the fried food and being dehydrated. I was also having a really great week, taking care of my other new life goals, and yesterday felt like it derailed them, and today seems to be going that direction as well. 

Whole Life Challenge

So, I've signed up for The Whole Life Challenge and I'm a little excited. I'm not being as great about working out as I should be, but I'm hopeful that since I've been spending significant amounts of time organizing and cleaning out my house lately, and because I've been trying to get my stuff together in different areas, and have managed to pack my lunch a few times this week and am sleeping and smiling and even went for a walk in the park yesterday..

I'm hoping that things are going to go alright. 

I'm hoping the fresh start (8762 fresh starts and counting!) will be a great beginning to the magical change of the seasons into autumn and that this challenge will just be a little tool to help me.

I've asked friends and coworkers to join, but most of them are disinterested in paying the enrollment on the real challenge, and hesitant to cut out major parts of their diet like sugar, soy, and dairy. I've offered an alternative though. I will work with them to draw up their own diet plans that are still challenging for them, but which resonate with the 'healthy eating paradigm' that they ascribe to, and they can track it all on My Fitness Pal. 

We'll still use the same point system:
5 Points for food
2 Points for Exercise
2 Point for Mobility
1 Point for Supplements
1 Point for the Life Challenges
With Bonus Points for Journaling. 


I think it will be fun for my friends and coworkers to get involved in this way, and I'd certainly enjoy the company. No reason for them to go all gung-ho like I do... just making small changes at first can cascade into bigger changes down the line if they feel inspired!

Please Stop Asking About My Weight.

I pride myself on keeping many non-judgmental and supportive friends in my life. Indeed, even the CrossFit community treats me with great respect and encouragement. Sometimes though, people with otherwise good intentions deliver inquiries into my health that make me doubt myself. 

So here's a friendly open letter to my well-meaning friends and acquaintances who seem to be preoccupied with both the number on my scale and the size of my waistline. (Perhaps, this is a letter to myself as well. I am, after all, a much harsher taskmaster and critic than any of them.)




I have not seen the changes that I began this journey looking for last year. At least not the changes in my body. I have seen changes in my mind and heart however. I've grown exponentially as a person and the depression that's been plaguing me for so many years hasn't been able to get a secure grip on me again. Sure, I have bad days, but overall, my life is happy. I'm happy. 

I have absolutely no excuses for not seeing changes in my physical form. I have nothing to tell you about why I haven't lost a pound or why I don't work out every single day. Who would want to be bothered by listening to thin excuses anyway? 

I haven't been back to CrossFit since returning from Costa Rica, and I don't feel guilty about that either. I went regularly in July and came to some realizations. CF is no longer the crutch that it was a few months ago. The 6:00 AM class doesn't feel the same anymore, and I don't feel the connection to the experience that inspired me so. 

Don't ask me how much weight I've lost. The answer is none, and I'm not interested in defending my exercise or healthy eating habits, since I take more care with what fuel goes into my body now than I ever have before. 

Don't ask me if I've been to CrossFit. The answer is no, and I have enough guilt about "letting them down" without being questioned about it. Especially since I know that the friends I have made there care about me and while they understand that life is complicated, they don't want to hear a bunch of excuses either.



End Rant. 

Week/Weak/Weekend/Gone

Tuesday (8/23):

Warm Up:
2 Rounds
-100 Single Unders
-10 Inch Worms
-10 Burpees
-20 Jumping Jacks
-5 Pull Ups (Green and Red Bands)
-5 Sit Ups
-5 Push Ups

Skill
Alternating 3 Max Holds
-L-Sits (Parrallettes)
-Holding Pull-Up (Green and Yellow Bands)

Waterfall at MonteVerde

Max L-Sit: 30 Seconds
Max Holding PU: 5 Seconds

WOD
4 RFT
-400 Meter Row
-3 Rope Climbs (I did 9 half climbs, as prescribed)

Time: 19:53

I wanted Sub-20 so bad, and I got it! Too bad in the process I cut up my hands a bit. Ouch.


Wednesday (8/24):

Warm Up:
TABATA x3
:20 Burpees
:10 Push Ups
:20 Squats
:10 Toe Touches
:20 PVC Pass Throughs
:10 Good Mornings
:20 Jumping Jacks
:10 Rest

WOD (Done Before Skill Today):
"Crossfit Open 13.1"
17 Minute AMRAP (each movement counts as a rep.)
-40 Burpees
-30 Snatches (Started at 22lbs as the Rx is to increase weight each round)
-30 Burpees
-30 Snatches (Moved up to 27lbs)
-20 Burpees
-30 Snatches
-10 Burpees
-Snatch Until Time Expires

I obviously didn't make it through the entire list. No one in the class did! I made it to 88, which was 70 Burpees, 30 Snatches at 22lbs, and 18 at 27lbs.

I also closed the morning with another 15 Burpees, which puts me at 100 for today and 224 for July. I'm so behind!

Skill:
Split Jerks
I've never really done Split Jerks before, since I've been rather sporadic in my attendance and am pretty wimpy usually. Today I gave it a go though, starting at 22lbs and working my way up to 37. I felt like it was looking alright, although I didn't have a coach telling me so. Overall, today was a tough WOD. Burpees are just so draining. blegh. At least it was chilly this morning!
My sleep last night was pretty bad. My roomie is out of town (at the Crossfit Games!!!! So jealous) and so every little noise I hear in the night frightens me. I also dreamed I was on "Chopped" and was trying to grill peaches. Overall, I was jumpy all night and there was a strange recurring noise coming from below my bedroom window. I had to turn the fan on to drown it out, which made my room both deliciously chilly and stupidly windy. Oh well. I'll sleep when I'm dead!


___________________________________________________________



On Sunday morning, July 28, I boarded a plane for Costa Rica, where I've been languishing for the past 9 days. I'll update soon with all the thoughts that revolved around my fitness and happiness while I was there. I wish I'd gotten a picture of myself snatching my backpack on top of the volcano at Arenal! Also, I don't recommend climbing mountains (or volcanoes) with wounded knees. On a related note, I don't suggest falling down stairs. 

More later!

Dog Days

Been a hot couple of days here.  It's times like these that I regret living in the upper floor of an older bungalow.  The nights are so hot and sweaty that I've been having a hard time sleeping. 

I did make it to CrossFit on Tuesday for Coach H's birthday.  Unfortunately, Wednesday morning my back was killing me. As it turns out, doing bacterial work at the fume hood leads me to hunch over uncomfortably for long periods of time.  I decided to take a rest day to give it time to heal. "A" kindly told me that taking a rest when I'm hurting is not going to ruin my CF record. Unfortunately, last night was 100 degrees in my room, and so my sleep was farcical once again, and I missed the box this morning. I'm kinda bummed out about it, but I can always do some burpees at lunch time to make myself feel better.

Lately I've just been so mad all the time. As I'm sitting at the office, I'm annoyed about every little thing. It seems like the past few weeks I've either been crying or fuming mad. I just don't know what the problem is, but I think I need some change. I'm a little concerned thinking about the future again. I know, I know. I should be living in the moment, I just have a lot of anxiety about what the next move is for me. 

I'm finished with my Master's in December, and I guess I'm a little surprised it happened so soon. I need to figure out what to do with this degree now that I have it. I'm so afraid that it's not going to help me at all professionally, and that I've been paying a few grand out of pocket for three years for nothing. I guess the original plan had been to teach at a community college on the side after I finished this degree as a way to earn some extra money. 

I've also got thoughts of advancing at my company on my mind (I can't stay entry level forever...right?) and I'm flirting with the idea of a PhD in another couple of years.  School just never seemed like such a risky gamble before. I've got friends who never attended college or who dropped out who are now making more money than I am, and are not carrying around a boat-load of student loan debt. Since when did getting a biology degree (or two or three) become the foolish choice? 

And what about that white picket fence? I have a very close, precious friend who has a 1 year old son and who is looking for a new house in a nice neighborhood where she can raise him with her husband and do things like host book clubs and go to PTA meetings. She and I dream sometimes of raising kids together and throwing the best birthday parties with life-size dinosaur pinatas, etc.  I'm missing out on that dream already, and at the rate I'm going, I won't be financially, socially, or romantically stable enough to join her for another 5-10 years. Hell, I may be too old to even have a family by the time I'm ready to have a family, lol. 

I guess I'm just going through that state of "What do I want?" again, and it's exacerbated by me being completely and utterly disorganized and broke simultaneously. Wonder what I'm going to do.

--Tuesday's Entry--

Warm Up:
-200 Meter Run
-10 PVC Pass-Through
-10 PVC Good Mornings
-10 PVC Overhead Squats
-10 Burpees
-5 Cobra Stretches
-200 Meter Run

And then Coach H showed up for her birthday Burpees. I did 31 and she did 27. (I think. She may have done 31 as well.) She also showed me a better way to jump up out of the bottom of the Burpee by having my feet wider apart. It certainly made me more stable and I used the skill in today's WOD.

WOD: 
"Happy Birthday H."
-31 Hang Squat Cleans (I did 32lbs and modified to Hang Cleans + Front Squats with a box)
-6 Man-Makers:
**-Burpee down into a Dumbbell Push Up
**-Renegade Row each arm (12.5lbs)
**-Burpee back up into a Dumbbell Squat Thruster
**-Overhead Dumbbell Lunge each leg. 
-62 Double Unders or 62 DU Attempts. NO Single Unders
-6 Man-Makers
-62 One Arm Alternating KettleBell Swings
-6 Man-Makers
-62 DUs or DU Attempts


This was a very sweaty and grueling WOD, but I managed to finish in 27:11. Feeling like I've rattled all sorts of body parts loose as I sit here at work now, but I'm glad I made it in and rocked it today. And while the KB Swings made me want to throw up, I'm proud of myself for having such a gross sweaty finish. My clothes were soaked when I changed into my lab attire!

July Burpee Challenge Count: 114. I'm going to need to ramp this up a little. I'm not going to finish at this rate! 

Insulation

What a long weekend. A trip up North to my Mum's home with friends and a birthday celebration weekend led to me being utterly exhausted this morning. 

I spent the weekend eating way too much of all the wrong things and slamming Cokes and beer. I get stressed out about entertaining people when I host parties, and I also get stressed out about going away for the weekend, so overall the last few days have seen me eating poorly, sleeping poorly, and getting too worked up about things. 

I also had so many people I wanted to be able to see, from my Mum and brother, to my friends who came with me, to my aunt and uncle to my long lost, oldest dearest friend. Sadly, I couldn't make it work despite "A" patiently driving me around to all of the visiting destinations on my list. 

We got back into town around 8 last night, and had some Thai food and watched a movie before bed. I was too anxious to sleep though, and very worried about the week ahead. This week I've got extra duties to handle at the lab since we lost a coworker and since I've really got to get my asbestos training up to scratch.

Fortunately, even though I was too tired and puny to CrossFit this morning, I've got Friday off work and will be heading to the box with "A" so he can see what it's all about. I don't feel bad about missing this morning though, since I'll still be getting my four days this week, before we head up North again to "A"s cottage next weekend.

I love summer, but all this travel is kinda stressful. I haven't been home since Thursday. Soon I'm going to be heading to Costa Rica for school too, and I can already feel myself getting stressed about that.

So much stress in my life. Too much for summer time, and wayyyy too much for someone who is trying to shed some extra fluff around the middle. I can feel my upset nature hoarding fat and illness inside my body. In fact, this morning I ate probably more than a pound of cold Thai food leftovers. I wasn't even hungry. I just felt like I needed to. I'm insulating my stress and fear with food. I'm so afraid.

Birthday Burpees... Postponed!

Got a fabulous birthday gift from my favorite boss-lady today. When "A" and I were at her place for the 4th of July, we played a lawn game she has called "Rollors" which involved throwing/rolling disc shaped pieces of wood toward targets with rules vaguely reminiscent of horseshoes. I beat "A" twice by a large margin each time, despite his prowess as a high school discus throwing record holder. He is still not really over the shame of it. So anyway, boss-lady gave me the game for my birthday! Beware "A", I'm bringing this game up to the cottage with us so I can defeat you in front of all your friends. <3

Awesome.

Here's what happened at CrossFit this morning. I'm a little surprised I managed to get up and go, especially considering I had a serious case of "I can sleep in, it's my birthday" as well as the nagging feeling of "I should really shower and get good looking this morning instead of hitting the gym, since I've got a date later and probably smell funny and "A" hasn't seen my hair styled since Valentine's Day".  I went though, and I'm sore and shaky and the sky is blue. What a great day. 

Warm Up:
2 Rounds
-200 Meter Run
-10 Inch Worms
-10 PVC Pass Throughs
-10 Squats
-10 KettleBell Swings ('Murican)
1:00 Battle Ropes
-10 Walking Lunges

WOD 1:
Death By V-Ups
-1 Medicine Ball V-Up in Minute 1 (14lbs)
-2 MB  V-Up in Minute 2
-3 MB V-Up in Minute 3
Etc.
We made it through 15 rounds all together.

Skill:
5 Rounds
-3 Clean Pulls
-1 Squat Clean
I started with the 22lb bar, and moved up to 32lbs. It was still very light compared to the rest of the class, but I just don't seem to have much strength as far as Cleans are concerned, especially Hang Cleans, which were what we did for WOD 2.

WOD 2: 
Death By Hang Cleans
-1 Hang Clean in Minute 1 (32lbs like a big wuss)
-2 Hang Cleans in Minute 2
-3 Hang Cleans in Minute 3 
Etc.
I made it to 15 rounds, and likely could have gone to 16 or 17 if the 7 AM class hadn't been gearing up. I'm the only one who made it through that many rounds, and it's obviously because I used such a low weight compared to the other people. I felt kinda worried all through the WOD that I was being too easy on myself with the light weight, but I was so worried about hurting my legs even more, since they are once again tender today, and even Hang Cleans put pressure on them. 

Because I was mentally beating myself up for not going with a heavier weight for the WOD (Although, truthfully, I don't think I can Clean 42lbs at all, let alone Hang Cleans), I was determined to get to the highest number possible in WOD 2. I was also really serious about obeying the rules for form, swinging my hips forward instead of just dipping/pulling the bar up with my elbows high and trying to pop it up over onto my collarbones (which was successful, unfortunately. My poor bones will be blue tomorrow)/shrugging my shoulders at the right time. 

Coach C hollered out that I was doing a good job a couple of times during the Hang Cleans, which was really encouraging. I'm not sure if she meant it because I looked like I needed encouragement, my form was good, or I was sticking with it after everyone else had finished in order to get my 15 rounds. I like to think it was my form though. :) 

When I was all finished, I couldn't feel the toes on either of my feet, so I didn't feel as bad about my 32lbs. I was also thinking that maybe my 27 Birthday Burpees wouldn't be such a great idea under the circumstances. Coach H suggested that we do our burpees together next Tuesday, which is her 31st birthday, and we can trade ages, lol. What's four more burpees? I can handle that. So anyway, the burpees are postponed until Tuesday, which will hopefully give my toes and calves/shins time to recover. 

Sweaty

It's Wednesday! That means that I've been a good girl all week and when I go to CrossFit tomorrow, I'll have fulfilled two weeks of my new dedication to Monday-Thursday WODing. I hope my reward is a massage. Maybe I'll head over to Irene's and have a student practice on me.  Here's what I did this morning which caused me to sweat profusely:

Warm Up:
-100 Single Unders
-10 PVC Good Mornings
1:00 Battle Ropes
-10 Kettlebell Figure 8s (26lbs)
-10 Spider Man Stretch
-10 Sit Ups
-5 Push Ups

Skill:
Squat Mobility Movements

WOD:
-400 Meter Run (I Rowed instead. My shins are hurting again.)
-30 Back Squats (22lbs with a box.)
-400 Meter Run (Row)
-20 Front Squats (22lbs with a box.)
-400 Meter Run (Row)
-10 Overhead Squats (PVC)

Time: 12:47

I demonstrated burpees to a coworker this morning as well. That puts my count for the July Challenge up to.... 75.  Tomorrow is birthday burpees though. Maybe I just won't tell anyone at the box. 

Anyway, I went to bed on the later side last night, but it was a good sleep. I'm looking forward to taking a few days off after tomorrow's WOD. My legs are really concerning me. I tried rolling them out again before bed last night with a rolling pin, and then massaging them, but they're still very stiff this morning and I had trouble with the squats due to the pain. 

Only Cried A Little...

Last night my sleep was pretty lousy again, what with the humidity turning my bed into a damp pallet of despair. I didn't have any trouble rolling out at 5 though and heading to CrossFit. As an added bonus, the music on the radio before 5:30 is much better than when the morning shows take over on most stations. I have no CD player in my car anymore, so I'm subject to the whims of the vile morning shows. Anyway, rocked out again this morning, which makes going to the gym before coffee a lot more bearable. Today's unexpected sing-a-long was an old one!

Warm Up:
2 Rounds
-250 Meter Run
-10 PVC Pass Through
-10 Overhead PVC Squats
-10 Inch Worms
-25 Jumping Jacks
:30 Hang From Bar

Skill:
Kettlebell Presses (15 lbs I think. Maybe 10.)
-Breakdown and Cover Form
-10 Each Arm 

WOD:
10-9-8-7-6-5-4-3-2-1
-Burpee Chest To Bar Pull Ups (I did push ups instead)
-Kettlebell Swings (Russian) (26lbs)
-Deadlift (72lbs)

This is an example of a pretty cry. I did not look like this today.
Try imagining it with a very red, sweaty face and more snot. 

After yesterday's WODs and the running in the warm up, my shins were hurting soooo bad. I wasn't sure I'd be able to keep standing up, let alone do the WOD. I approached Coach C and Coach D about modifying the workout.  I just couldn't believe how much it hurt just standing there, and I was worried that I'd given myself shin splints or something overnight. Coach D sat me down to massage my calves with a medieval torture device. IT MAY HAVE RAINED ON MY FACE A LITTLE. No, seriously. I downright cried. Not misty eyes, not trembling chin. Full-on sobs, but I was tough about it and smiled through like a big girl. It hurt more than I could have possibly imagined it would, and not in the "Getting a massage and it hurts, but in a good way" way. More like a "Stop hitting my shins with that hammer" way. 

I'm pretty sure Coach D felt kinda bad about my face leaking tears like that, but I thanked him and assured him that I'll start taking a rolling-pin to my legs before bed. After all, when he was finished and I'd recaptured my breath and composed my wobbly emotions, it did feel better.  I say wobbly emotions because the tears felt like emotional tears more than pain tears in some respects. It was like my calves/shins were holding all sorts of deep spiritual injuries that were lanced or incised to promote healing. 

I went on to pretty much kill the WOD even though it was modified down without the Burpee C2B Pull Ups. I felt like my form was good and I made it through in about 17:16... although my count may not be accurate, since the clock was going backward and I had to do math. 

Shins and Sun

Had a lovely weekend up at "A's" family's cottage on a lake. I enjoyed the sun (without getting burned) and relaxed after busting my buns to finish a paper last week while working on-call for the day after the holiday. It was really nice to be there with "A" and his family and I felt like this is what summer is all about. We got back pretty  late on Sunday night though, thanks to ridiculous Michigan South-bound traffic, and I stayed over at his place. I wasn't sure how that would work this morning.

Last night I couldn't fall asleep even though I went to bed around 9:30 (my usual time for CrossFit nights) because I'd been napping all weekend and just wasn't tired. I forced myself to stay in bed though, and must have dozed off since I didn't hear the boy come to bed until he cuddled up with me. All night I tossed and turned, worried about missing CrossFit, and when my alarm went off just before five, I was wide awake instantly. 

It crossed my mind that since it's my birthday this week, maybe I didn't need to get out of bed. It's a long drive, I'll have to put gas in the car, I'll be tired tomorrow, my wrist hurts, my hips were hurting all night... all of it flashed through my head as the mattress called me back to warm hazy sleep. 

But as "A" pointed out, if I'm on the fence about whether I should go or not, I should obviously go. So I did!
The drive didn't take any longer than it would have done from my house, and the music the whole way was wonderful, including a current favorite. Here's what happened at the box: 

Warm Up:
2 Rounds
-250 Meter Row
-10 Zombies
-5x 10 Second Plank Holds to Hand Release Push Ups
-10 Squats
-10 Bird Walks

I feel optimistic about today.

Skill:
2 Rounds (I used PVC for all, to work on my form)
-Overhead Squat 
-Balance Press (I don't actually remember what this was called.)
-Balance Press With Dip
-Snatch Balance

WOD 1:
10 Minute AMRAP
-30 Double Unders (90 SU)
-15 Power Snatch (22lbs)

I got 2.25 rounds.


WOD 2:
EMOM for 5 Minutes
-5 Hang Snatch
-Double Unders for the rest of the minute. 

My shins are killing me after all the jumping, and all the squatting during the skill work has my ankles feeling very strange. As I was getting tired during the overhead squats, I just kind let myself drop into things. Coach H said that my hips opened up properly for the squat when I did that... the only downside is that my heels weren't exactly on the ground. It gives me hope though that someday I'll be able to do things properly. As it is, today's shaping up to be a nice one! :)

Week One: Success!!

Warm Up:
3 Rounds
-25 Jumping Jacks
-25 Flutter Kicks
-25 Squats
-25 Jumping Pull Ups

WOD 1:
4 Rounds
-250 Meter Run
-15 Box Jumps (I did step ups since I apparently have zero balance these days and nearly fell off my 3 45lb bumper plates)
Time: 11:07


WOD 2:
3 Rounds
-15 Knees to Elbows
-15 Calorie Row
-15 Hand Release Push Ups
Time: 10:45

The July Challenge:
-1000 Burpees

Burpee Count for July so far: 83. 


Coach H told me she was proud of me and that my Push Up form was looking wonderful. I saw Coach J this morning too, and he asked me how I was and seemed impressed that I'd been to CF four days in a row. 

Let me tell you, it feels good to have been successful this week. I was so worried I wouldn't make it. This morning too, I was a little depressed when I woke up on this holiday morning with a graduate school paper hanging over my head and a feeling of loneliness. I woke up about 20 minute before my alarm (at least it wasn't at five today!) and sat in bed wondering if I was too sore and bummed out to go to the box. 

Then I got up and put on my clothes. Had a couple fresh strawberries from the farmer's market. Drove myself to the box. I figured that as long as I was there, I might as well WOD. I'm glad I did, because I feel better now, even though this one had me huffing and puffing and staggering around. (I hate you, running.)

"I" was there as well, and I haven't seen him since well before my sabbatical began. That boy has gotten fitter if possible and it was nice to see a friendly face, even though I was reminded sharply that I had wanted "A" to come see what CrossFit is all about today, but our plans fell through. I highly doubt I'm going to get him up at 5 AM on a weeknight to witness me slowly grinding my body down into something resembling a fit person. 

Oh well. I'm having a good day, and am all settled into my desk now for some paper writing and Thai food leftovers. Happy 4th, everyone!  

Delicious vascular epiphyte research!

Ouch Again

Last night when I was in the shower, I saw myself naked... and I was offended. 

This is a problem, especially since I've been thinking lately about how my attitude about myself can influence others. This article sums it up nicely. If I keep telling myself and other people how horrible and ugly I am simply because I'm fluffy around the middle... what if they start listening to me? What if my friends that are less in shape than I am start to believe that if my little bit of stomach pooch is disgusting, I must find them repulsive? What if my boyfriend starts believing me when I say that he deserves someone prettier? What if my future daughter has low self-esteem because she grew up seeing me feeling guilty about eating a cupcake? 

So I told myself last night that I wouldn't trash talk myself like that anymore. It's a 26 year habit I need to break, and it's going to be hard, but there's enough negativity in my life and the world without me complaining how bad I've got it.

Of course, a coworker just showed up with donuts. Oh no. 

This morning I was concerned that waking up was going to be tough. My body hurts SO bad and I was so stiff when I woke up that I was almost queezy. I managed to grandma-walk myself out to the car and go to CrossFit though, and even though my arms hurt too much to brush my hair, I somehow managed to do the WOD. Gosh, endorphins are lovely...

Here's what I did!

Warm Up:
2 Rounds
-200 Meter Run
-10 Inch Worms With Push Ups
-10 Sit Ups
-10 Ball Slams (20lb)
:30 Battle Ropes
-10 PVC Pass Through

Skill:
Power Clean & Jerks
Got up to 42lbs and actually managed a lovely C&J rather than a Clean and Push Press. My elbow didn't complain at that weight, but my hip started feeling funny as I was lifting from the ground.

WOD:
I substituted the prescribed Squat Cleans with Hang Cleans (at 32lbs and then 22lbs for the last 10) plus Front Squats on a box.
-10 Hang Cleans / Front Squats
-20 Wall Ball Sit Ups (14lbs)
-160 Double Unders Attempts/ Single Unders (I would do about 5 SUs and then go for a DU. I managed to get 4 of them, a new daily best!)
-15 Hang Cleans / Front Squats
-20 WB Sit Ups
-120 DU Attempts/ SU
-20 Hang Cleans / Front Squats
-20 WB Sit Ups
-120 DU Attempts/SU

I was one of the last (if not the last) to finish today (17:45 I think?), but I felt good about it. I was read in the face and had to push myself, and like I said, I managed 4 DUs today! (not in a row, but still) and then I also felt really good about my Clean & Jerk as I don't think I ever managed a really nice one before since my elbow usually protests overhead lifts. 

Perhaps the tightness in my biceps that is keeping me from straightening my arm is helping keep my joints in line. New Coach Trainee today gave me some pointers for my knee stability during squats. He suggested keeping my weight on my feet at the inside of my toe and outside of my heel. When I tilt my foot to sit flat, I do feel more stable, but it's very obvious that my hip flexibility is a big problem with those squats still.

Coming Home

Went back to CrossFit yesterday morning, as scheduled.  I am, perhaps understandably, very sore today!

Here's what we did Monday:

Warm Up:
2 Rounds
-200 M Run
-5 Burpees
-100 Flutter Kicks
:30 Squat Bottom
-100 Single Unders


WOD 1:
"Fran"
21-15-9
-Thrusters (I used 15lb Dumbbells and a box)
-Pull Ups (I used Green and Red bands)

Time: 8:45 which met my goal of sub 9!

WOD 2:
Every 90 seconds for 7:30 Descending Number, Ascending Weight
-Thrusters
-Pull Ups
So, 5 Thrusters at 15lb dumbbells and 5 Pull Ups
4 at 17.5lbs
3 at 20lbs
2 at 20lbs
1 at 20lbs

I stopped ascending in weight as my back started to remind me that I haven't lifted anything heavier than a bottle of champagne in the past two months.

Overall, I felt like I pushed myself yesterda, especially since it was my first day back. My arms were shaking and I can feel where I used to have calluses on my hands.

Best part was seeing Coach H there yesterday morning. She doesn't typically coach the 6 AM class anymore, so it felt like an auspicious way to come back to the box.



Today's Activities:

Warm Up: 
2 Rounds
-200 Meter Run
:30 Hang From Bar
-20 Toe Touches (10 Each Leg, Alternating)
-1 Length Quad Stretch
-2 Lengths Farmer's Carry (26lb Kettlebells)

Skill Work: 
Deadlifts
-5 at 40% Max (22lbs)
-5 at 50% Max (42lbs)
-5 at 60% Max (52lbs)

WOD 1:
AMRAP for 9 Minutes
-10 Kettlebell Swings American Style (26lbs)
-9 Deadlifts (62lbs)
-5 Burpees With Lateral Jumps Over Bar

I got 4 complete rounds. 

WOD 2:
Every Minute On The Minute For 7 Minutes
-11 Burpees

I managed a total of 53, which was more than my goal of 50 :)

Today I felt like I pushed it a lot more than yesterday, but that may just be because Burpees are awful or Kettlebell Swings kill me every time. I did miss Deadlifting though. It's the only lift that I was able to do a respectable amount of weight at before I stopped in April. My 1 Rep Max at the time was 82lbs. I'm looking forward to breaking 100!


Also discovered a little souvenir from yesterday: 

Alone.

Life is hard. Sometimes you just have to suck it up and realize that no one is going to help you. It doesn't matter how much of a nice person you are, or that you remembered to follow-up on your friends' issues with thoughtful texts, calls, and cards. It doesn't matter that you smile extra at cashiers and waiters who seem to be having bad days. It doesn't matter that you spend your lunch break looking up appropriate snacks to serve to your boyfriend's beer-league softball team.

At the end of the day, even if you're the best person you're capable of being, it still doesn't guarantee that anyone is going to lend you a hand. If you can't take care of yourself, you've got nothing.

It's tempting when in a relationship, or when talking to your loving family and friends, to forget that it's up to you to be happy and do your laundry and save the world and be a good daughter and look pretty and be fit and brush your teeth and cook real food and stay up-to-date on current events and form meaningful, well researched opinions about the world. You think to yourself, "I've got back up in case I need it". 

But they can't bathe you when you're too sad to take care of yourself. They can't teach you when you are too self-absorbed to learn. They can't clean your home or braid your hair for you before school. They can't change their plans or their lives to be there for you. No one else can check behind the doors when you come into your room to make sure there are no monsters hiding in the closet. No one else can make you look at the day for its possibilities instead of its disappointments. 

Even if they wanted to, they can't be there for you all the time. Some sorry, sad, crappy days you're going to be alone. You'll have to pull yourself up by your bootstraps because there's simply no one there to do it for you, even if you did spend $20 on cupcakes for the office this week. 

You're not entitled to a good life, or help, or even compassion. You do have the ability to furnish yourself with them however. You have the ability to give yourself the gift of health, if not wealth. You have the ability to give yourself love and tenderness and consideration even when you don't think you deserve it. You have the ability to gift yourself with acceptance and patience and knowledge and adventure every single day. 


Today, I could just about cry. I want my mum. I want someone to come make me a bowl of soup and tuck me in. I want to not feel fear and stress about what's coming up in my life. I want someone to call out to me when I'm taking a bath, just to make sure I'm ok. I want someone to make my bed for me and bring me a cup of Vernors for my nausea. I want to have what I can't have anymore because I'm a grown up. 

I'm a grown up. Instead of those things, I'll have an evening of getting things done that I need to accomplish. I'll put how lousy I feel on the back burner and get home when I can. I'll take care of myself because I'm the only one who can. 

Keep Calm and WOD On

Central *B*East!

The Central East CrossFit Regional competition was AMAZING. I had hoped that the experience would give me some motivation to return to my own box and get my WOD on again, but it was so much more than that!

It was a breath of fresh air to be surrounded by people who were as passionate about CF as I am. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying I'm some super CrossFitter, but I am enthusiastic about it even when I'm an outsider. The truth is, it was really comforting to be around people who weren't rolling their eyes at me every time I mentioned how excited I was. It felt like being in a support group--a balm for my frayed nerves. 

Photo Courtesy of "Marnie", my roommate's CF friend.

I've mentioned a hundred times that I loved doing CrossFit because of the community I had at my gym. Well, being at the Regionals was that times 4000! There were families there--husbands and wives and babies and young children and teens and grand parents. There was a sense of festivity as people gathered around coolers full of Paleo snacks and games athletes wandered the stands to say hello to their compatriots in matching affiliate gear. Whole stands full of people cheered to help competitors get One. More. Rep. and yet the whole arena was intimate enough to catch extremely vivid, up close (I'm talking six feet here) glimpses of Rich Froning's sweaty six pack. 


Along with going to the Games, I also contacted Rogue to talk to them about the creation of a garage gym. They invited me to swing by their warehouse which was only 4 miles from the Games down in Columbus. The Roomie and I headed over there and in addition to giving us some insight into what we could accomplish in our own space, the young man helping us also offered to let us into The Rogue Gym. It's a private box that is used by the best local competitors, and it was super cool to be in there, especially since there was no one else around and it felt all secret-y and cool! 

Here I am discussing how very slippery those bars can be in front of the iconic wall. 

And some Yeungling. My trip to Ohio = Better than yours.

My roomie also decided to throw down some cash to get our home gym started and we left Columbus with a set of bumper plates, made in the USA!
-3 sets of 10lbs
-1 set of 15lbs
-1 set of 25lbs
-1 set of 45lbs

We also got some steel plates in 2.5 and 5lb weights. 


Anyway, I guess what I'm trying to say is that I've got a new lease on life, so to speak. I'm re-energized and my enthusiasm is creeping into my everyday life, annoying the heck out of my coworkers. So I made some big choices. I need to get back to CrossFit and there are some very specific things that have to happen in order for this to be possible:

-Sleepovers: First and foremost, there's the whole problem of me not going to the gym on nights I stay at the boy's place or on mornings when he's staying with me. I don't think anyone alive could have the willpower to leave such expert cuddling at 5 AM.  The solution for this problem has been to set up a strategic schedule with "A" in order for us to still feel like we spend time together, but to allow me to get my WOD on. 

We have decided that Thursday nights after his softball league are still happening, which means I will be taking a rest day on Friday. Since I'm not a fan of going into the gym on weekends, and am often out of town anyway, that means Friday nights and Saturdays can be date nights as well. "A" stipulated that he will NOT see me on weeks that I skip going to the gym on my four remaining days (Monday-Thursday) as extra incentive.  Monday through Thursday seems like a long stretch to me, so we'll also revive our weekly lunch date, probably on Tuesdays.  No More Using the BF as an Excuse.

-Organization: Part of my problem with continuing my CrossFit commitment earlier this year was that I was never organized. My home is a mess, I never know where my clean clothes are, I can't keep track of all the homework and other responsibilities I have when I'm trying to make up for missed CF mornings by going to evening sessions, etc. 

So I've given myself a set start again date: July 1, 2013, a Monday. In the meantime, I'm going to be working to de-clutter my life house, get organized, and put some sort of system in place that will keep me maintaining that organization. A schedule for cleaning and laundry, having clothes laid out the night before, having an actual gym bag instead of throwing all my crap in my car... all these things will help. 

I used to dress nice for work...

-Professionalism: Another issue I had before with going to CF in the mornings is that I NEVER looked nice for work. I don't have time to go home and get cleaned up before I have to get to the office, so I would usually just change clothes and rock the ponytail and vaguely sweat-smeared look all day at work. This is something I didn't SUPER mind, but at the same time, I possess lots of really pretty clothes that I would like to wear occasionally, and they don't really work with the post gym 'funk'. 

I'm thinking that I need to either be showering at the gym (if the line for the shower isn't too long), or make a commitment to having a nice outfit to change into and the flexibility and determination to bathe in the sink at work. Maybe a camp shower in the garage. We'll see.

As I mentioned above, I think laying out my outfits the night before (and accessorizing!!!) and having an actual gym bag with my shoes and wrist wraps and water bottle in it will help tremendously with the looking good for work thing as well. I just need to be on top of this stuff instead of flying by the seat of my pants, which leads me to the last point on this list...

-Home: I feel like most days I live out of my car or a suitcase. I spend a few nights a week away from home, I'm always out of town on weekends, I dash from work to friends' houses to restaurants to wherever and only come home occasionally to flop into bed. My days often have me at the office late, then to the grocery store, then to my kitchen to socialize with my roomie for an hour and then immediately to bed. (You'll notice that there's a distinct lack of shower time allotted in there too. That's another problem.)

I need to feel like I've got a schedule and a plan and know what I'm going to be doing each day. I need to have time to fit in CrossFit and all the other things that are important to me as well as my responsibilities. In order to do this, I can't be feeling like I'm a hobo living out of my car and wearing whatever clothes I happen to find on what is now known as "The Probably Clean Laundry Side of the Bedroom".


It all starts today. I'm going to head home (after the grocery store. Ugh) and get some cleaning out of the way. I will do this because I've got to get back to my family. They miss me.