It all just kinda came together to shut me down for a while. Fortunately, I still managed to kick some butt, getting help on my abysmal squats from a friend on Saturday was cool. I think the CrossFit coaches being afraid to touch me or invade my personal space is what was keeping me from really being able to get into squat position and feel what it's supposed to be like. As it turns out, my flexibility is fine, it's my balance that kills me. Holding a dumbbell in front of me while squatting allows me to not fall over while keeping proper form. I blame my tatas for my inability to have a center of gravity in a reasonable place.
So anyway, felt good about that, especially at CF this morning. In fact, the coaches said my squats looked so much better that I should be doing power snatches like a big girl and not the hang snatch. Fine with me! I only banged myself up a little, and overall I felt really good about today's workout. I wish I could stay at the gym all day. The endorphin rush from the workout is causing some queer side effects though. I know I'm stressed out about a paper (due tonight!) but I feel too good to be stressed. I can't tell if I'm really calm though or if I'm just in the eye of the storm.
The boy problems got me to thinking some pretty lousy thoughts about myself over the weekend, and my old recurring fantasy about burning my body in a fire has been lurking around again today. I guess that probably means something, but I try not to dwell on it too much.
It all comes down to "What do I want?"
I say one thing and do another. I want what I can't have. I let myself down by not living up to my own (relatively low) standards. It makes me think that perhaps I've got a lot more stuff to sort out inside my head and heart. Depression follows too closely on the heels of indecision and disappointment. As much as it kills me, and as much as loneliness contributes to my sadness sometimes, it's becoming more and more clear to me that I should probably be alone for a very long time so I can sort myself out.
But I digress. CrossFit was super busy this morning. Lots of people taking advantage of the most recent Groupon, I suppose. It was strange to see so many new faces! It's easy to make friends there though, as everyone hates burpees just as much as I do, and you can bond with anyone over the disappointment of putting your outdoor shoes on before your pants.
Warm Up:
-250 Meter Row
-15 PVC Good Mornings
-15 PVC Pass-Thrus
-15 PVC Power Snatch
-20 Squat (I held a dumbell to counter-balance)
-20 Lateral Jumps
Skill:
-Learned Power Snatch and can do it properly! (22lb)
WOD:
4 rounds
AMRAP in 4 minutes
-5 Power Snatch (22lb)
-10 Box Jumps (2 45lb bumpers instead of a scary box. The coaches baby me something awful. I must look like a wimp.)
I did 3-4-4-5, pushing myself extra hard on the last round. It seems like an easy workout, but those box jumps tire you out so fast! This was my first time doing them. Fortunately, my friend from Saturday also worked with me on box jumps, rowing, and lunges.
Saturday night, I went with that friend to a bonfire where there was a 10 pack of Taco Bell, Glühwein (fortified with Captain's!), and cupcakes. I ate none of it, and am proud of myself. Can't quite get over my lingering regret about the cupcakes though... they had apple filling. I also had a long conversation about my goal of giving up drinking in 2013. My friend asked, "Why wait? If you can't quit now, you won't be able to quit in January either." Truthfully, I love me some drinking. I really do, and everyone knows this about me. So I'm thinking of altering my resolution to drinking only one drink a week, and it better be a fantastic drink.
Today's Reason: Because I'd rather sweat and bleed than want to burn my body in a fire, and I'm certain it's healthier.
Now it's back to hunting up some delicious looking recipes, since my monetary failure this weekend has left me eating only rice until Friday.
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