Dog Days

Been a hot couple of days here.  It's times like these that I regret living in the upper floor of an older bungalow.  The nights are so hot and sweaty that I've been having a hard time sleeping. 

I did make it to CrossFit on Tuesday for Coach H's birthday.  Unfortunately, Wednesday morning my back was killing me. As it turns out, doing bacterial work at the fume hood leads me to hunch over uncomfortably for long periods of time.  I decided to take a rest day to give it time to heal. "A" kindly told me that taking a rest when I'm hurting is not going to ruin my CF record. Unfortunately, last night was 100 degrees in my room, and so my sleep was farcical once again, and I missed the box this morning. I'm kinda bummed out about it, but I can always do some burpees at lunch time to make myself feel better.

Lately I've just been so mad all the time. As I'm sitting at the office, I'm annoyed about every little thing. It seems like the past few weeks I've either been crying or fuming mad. I just don't know what the problem is, but I think I need some change. I'm a little concerned thinking about the future again. I know, I know. I should be living in the moment, I just have a lot of anxiety about what the next move is for me. 

I'm finished with my Master's in December, and I guess I'm a little surprised it happened so soon. I need to figure out what to do with this degree now that I have it. I'm so afraid that it's not going to help me at all professionally, and that I've been paying a few grand out of pocket for three years for nothing. I guess the original plan had been to teach at a community college on the side after I finished this degree as a way to earn some extra money. 

I've also got thoughts of advancing at my company on my mind (I can't stay entry level forever...right?) and I'm flirting with the idea of a PhD in another couple of years.  School just never seemed like such a risky gamble before. I've got friends who never attended college or who dropped out who are now making more money than I am, and are not carrying around a boat-load of student loan debt. Since when did getting a biology degree (or two or three) become the foolish choice? 

And what about that white picket fence? I have a very close, precious friend who has a 1 year old son and who is looking for a new house in a nice neighborhood where she can raise him with her husband and do things like host book clubs and go to PTA meetings. She and I dream sometimes of raising kids together and throwing the best birthday parties with life-size dinosaur pinatas, etc.  I'm missing out on that dream already, and at the rate I'm going, I won't be financially, socially, or romantically stable enough to join her for another 5-10 years. Hell, I may be too old to even have a family by the time I'm ready to have a family, lol. 

I guess I'm just going through that state of "What do I want?" again, and it's exacerbated by me being completely and utterly disorganized and broke simultaneously. Wonder what I'm going to do.

--Tuesday's Entry--

Warm Up:
-200 Meter Run
-10 PVC Pass-Through
-10 PVC Good Mornings
-10 PVC Overhead Squats
-10 Burpees
-5 Cobra Stretches
-200 Meter Run

And then Coach H showed up for her birthday Burpees. I did 31 and she did 27. (I think. She may have done 31 as well.) She also showed me a better way to jump up out of the bottom of the Burpee by having my feet wider apart. It certainly made me more stable and I used the skill in today's WOD.

WOD: 
"Happy Birthday H."
-31 Hang Squat Cleans (I did 32lbs and modified to Hang Cleans + Front Squats with a box)
-6 Man-Makers:
**-Burpee down into a Dumbbell Push Up
**-Renegade Row each arm (12.5lbs)
**-Burpee back up into a Dumbbell Squat Thruster
**-Overhead Dumbbell Lunge each leg. 
-62 Double Unders or 62 DU Attempts. NO Single Unders
-6 Man-Makers
-62 One Arm Alternating KettleBell Swings
-6 Man-Makers
-62 DUs or DU Attempts


This was a very sweaty and grueling WOD, but I managed to finish in 27:11. Feeling like I've rattled all sorts of body parts loose as I sit here at work now, but I'm glad I made it in and rocked it today. And while the KB Swings made me want to throw up, I'm proud of myself for having such a gross sweaty finish. My clothes were soaked when I changed into my lab attire!

July Burpee Challenge Count: 114. I'm going to need to ramp this up a little. I'm not going to finish at this rate! 

Insulation

What a long weekend. A trip up North to my Mum's home with friends and a birthday celebration weekend led to me being utterly exhausted this morning. 

I spent the weekend eating way too much of all the wrong things and slamming Cokes and beer. I get stressed out about entertaining people when I host parties, and I also get stressed out about going away for the weekend, so overall the last few days have seen me eating poorly, sleeping poorly, and getting too worked up about things. 

I also had so many people I wanted to be able to see, from my Mum and brother, to my friends who came with me, to my aunt and uncle to my long lost, oldest dearest friend. Sadly, I couldn't make it work despite "A" patiently driving me around to all of the visiting destinations on my list. 

We got back into town around 8 last night, and had some Thai food and watched a movie before bed. I was too anxious to sleep though, and very worried about the week ahead. This week I've got extra duties to handle at the lab since we lost a coworker and since I've really got to get my asbestos training up to scratch.

Fortunately, even though I was too tired and puny to CrossFit this morning, I've got Friday off work and will be heading to the box with "A" so he can see what it's all about. I don't feel bad about missing this morning though, since I'll still be getting my four days this week, before we head up North again to "A"s cottage next weekend.

I love summer, but all this travel is kinda stressful. I haven't been home since Thursday. Soon I'm going to be heading to Costa Rica for school too, and I can already feel myself getting stressed about that.

So much stress in my life. Too much for summer time, and wayyyy too much for someone who is trying to shed some extra fluff around the middle. I can feel my upset nature hoarding fat and illness inside my body. In fact, this morning I ate probably more than a pound of cold Thai food leftovers. I wasn't even hungry. I just felt like I needed to. I'm insulating my stress and fear with food. I'm so afraid.

Birthday Burpees... Postponed!

Got a fabulous birthday gift from my favorite boss-lady today. When "A" and I were at her place for the 4th of July, we played a lawn game she has called "Rollors" which involved throwing/rolling disc shaped pieces of wood toward targets with rules vaguely reminiscent of horseshoes. I beat "A" twice by a large margin each time, despite his prowess as a high school discus throwing record holder. He is still not really over the shame of it. So anyway, boss-lady gave me the game for my birthday! Beware "A", I'm bringing this game up to the cottage with us so I can defeat you in front of all your friends. <3

Awesome.

Here's what happened at CrossFit this morning. I'm a little surprised I managed to get up and go, especially considering I had a serious case of "I can sleep in, it's my birthday" as well as the nagging feeling of "I should really shower and get good looking this morning instead of hitting the gym, since I've got a date later and probably smell funny and "A" hasn't seen my hair styled since Valentine's Day".  I went though, and I'm sore and shaky and the sky is blue. What a great day. 

Warm Up:
2 Rounds
-200 Meter Run
-10 Inch Worms
-10 PVC Pass Throughs
-10 Squats
-10 KettleBell Swings ('Murican)
1:00 Battle Ropes
-10 Walking Lunges

WOD 1:
Death By V-Ups
-1 Medicine Ball V-Up in Minute 1 (14lbs)
-2 MB  V-Up in Minute 2
-3 MB V-Up in Minute 3
Etc.
We made it through 15 rounds all together.

Skill:
5 Rounds
-3 Clean Pulls
-1 Squat Clean
I started with the 22lb bar, and moved up to 32lbs. It was still very light compared to the rest of the class, but I just don't seem to have much strength as far as Cleans are concerned, especially Hang Cleans, which were what we did for WOD 2.

WOD 2: 
Death By Hang Cleans
-1 Hang Clean in Minute 1 (32lbs like a big wuss)
-2 Hang Cleans in Minute 2
-3 Hang Cleans in Minute 3 
Etc.
I made it to 15 rounds, and likely could have gone to 16 or 17 if the 7 AM class hadn't been gearing up. I'm the only one who made it through that many rounds, and it's obviously because I used such a low weight compared to the other people. I felt kinda worried all through the WOD that I was being too easy on myself with the light weight, but I was so worried about hurting my legs even more, since they are once again tender today, and even Hang Cleans put pressure on them. 

Because I was mentally beating myself up for not going with a heavier weight for the WOD (Although, truthfully, I don't think I can Clean 42lbs at all, let alone Hang Cleans), I was determined to get to the highest number possible in WOD 2. I was also really serious about obeying the rules for form, swinging my hips forward instead of just dipping/pulling the bar up with my elbows high and trying to pop it up over onto my collarbones (which was successful, unfortunately. My poor bones will be blue tomorrow)/shrugging my shoulders at the right time. 

Coach C hollered out that I was doing a good job a couple of times during the Hang Cleans, which was really encouraging. I'm not sure if she meant it because I looked like I needed encouragement, my form was good, or I was sticking with it after everyone else had finished in order to get my 15 rounds. I like to think it was my form though. :) 

When I was all finished, I couldn't feel the toes on either of my feet, so I didn't feel as bad about my 32lbs. I was also thinking that maybe my 27 Birthday Burpees wouldn't be such a great idea under the circumstances. Coach H suggested that we do our burpees together next Tuesday, which is her 31st birthday, and we can trade ages, lol. What's four more burpees? I can handle that. So anyway, the burpees are postponed until Tuesday, which will hopefully give my toes and calves/shins time to recover. 

Sweaty

It's Wednesday! That means that I've been a good girl all week and when I go to CrossFit tomorrow, I'll have fulfilled two weeks of my new dedication to Monday-Thursday WODing. I hope my reward is a massage. Maybe I'll head over to Irene's and have a student practice on me.  Here's what I did this morning which caused me to sweat profusely:

Warm Up:
-100 Single Unders
-10 PVC Good Mornings
1:00 Battle Ropes
-10 Kettlebell Figure 8s (26lbs)
-10 Spider Man Stretch
-10 Sit Ups
-5 Push Ups

Skill:
Squat Mobility Movements

WOD:
-400 Meter Run (I Rowed instead. My shins are hurting again.)
-30 Back Squats (22lbs with a box.)
-400 Meter Run (Row)
-20 Front Squats (22lbs with a box.)
-400 Meter Run (Row)
-10 Overhead Squats (PVC)

Time: 12:47

I demonstrated burpees to a coworker this morning as well. That puts my count for the July Challenge up to.... 75.  Tomorrow is birthday burpees though. Maybe I just won't tell anyone at the box. 

Anyway, I went to bed on the later side last night, but it was a good sleep. I'm looking forward to taking a few days off after tomorrow's WOD. My legs are really concerning me. I tried rolling them out again before bed last night with a rolling pin, and then massaging them, but they're still very stiff this morning and I had trouble with the squats due to the pain. 

Only Cried A Little...

Last night my sleep was pretty lousy again, what with the humidity turning my bed into a damp pallet of despair. I didn't have any trouble rolling out at 5 though and heading to CrossFit. As an added bonus, the music on the radio before 5:30 is much better than when the morning shows take over on most stations. I have no CD player in my car anymore, so I'm subject to the whims of the vile morning shows. Anyway, rocked out again this morning, which makes going to the gym before coffee a lot more bearable. Today's unexpected sing-a-long was an old one!

Warm Up:
2 Rounds
-250 Meter Run
-10 PVC Pass Through
-10 Overhead PVC Squats
-10 Inch Worms
-25 Jumping Jacks
:30 Hang From Bar

Skill:
Kettlebell Presses (15 lbs I think. Maybe 10.)
-Breakdown and Cover Form
-10 Each Arm 

WOD:
10-9-8-7-6-5-4-3-2-1
-Burpee Chest To Bar Pull Ups (I did push ups instead)
-Kettlebell Swings (Russian) (26lbs)
-Deadlift (72lbs)

This is an example of a pretty cry. I did not look like this today.
Try imagining it with a very red, sweaty face and more snot. 

After yesterday's WODs and the running in the warm up, my shins were hurting soooo bad. I wasn't sure I'd be able to keep standing up, let alone do the WOD. I approached Coach C and Coach D about modifying the workout.  I just couldn't believe how much it hurt just standing there, and I was worried that I'd given myself shin splints or something overnight. Coach D sat me down to massage my calves with a medieval torture device. IT MAY HAVE RAINED ON MY FACE A LITTLE. No, seriously. I downright cried. Not misty eyes, not trembling chin. Full-on sobs, but I was tough about it and smiled through like a big girl. It hurt more than I could have possibly imagined it would, and not in the "Getting a massage and it hurts, but in a good way" way. More like a "Stop hitting my shins with that hammer" way. 

I'm pretty sure Coach D felt kinda bad about my face leaking tears like that, but I thanked him and assured him that I'll start taking a rolling-pin to my legs before bed. After all, when he was finished and I'd recaptured my breath and composed my wobbly emotions, it did feel better.  I say wobbly emotions because the tears felt like emotional tears more than pain tears in some respects. It was like my calves/shins were holding all sorts of deep spiritual injuries that were lanced or incised to promote healing. 

I went on to pretty much kill the WOD even though it was modified down without the Burpee C2B Pull Ups. I felt like my form was good and I made it through in about 17:16... although my count may not be accurate, since the clock was going backward and I had to do math. 

Shins and Sun

Had a lovely weekend up at "A's" family's cottage on a lake. I enjoyed the sun (without getting burned) and relaxed after busting my buns to finish a paper last week while working on-call for the day after the holiday. It was really nice to be there with "A" and his family and I felt like this is what summer is all about. We got back pretty  late on Sunday night though, thanks to ridiculous Michigan South-bound traffic, and I stayed over at his place. I wasn't sure how that would work this morning.

Last night I couldn't fall asleep even though I went to bed around 9:30 (my usual time for CrossFit nights) because I'd been napping all weekend and just wasn't tired. I forced myself to stay in bed though, and must have dozed off since I didn't hear the boy come to bed until he cuddled up with me. All night I tossed and turned, worried about missing CrossFit, and when my alarm went off just before five, I was wide awake instantly. 

It crossed my mind that since it's my birthday this week, maybe I didn't need to get out of bed. It's a long drive, I'll have to put gas in the car, I'll be tired tomorrow, my wrist hurts, my hips were hurting all night... all of it flashed through my head as the mattress called me back to warm hazy sleep. 

But as "A" pointed out, if I'm on the fence about whether I should go or not, I should obviously go. So I did!
The drive didn't take any longer than it would have done from my house, and the music the whole way was wonderful, including a current favorite. Here's what happened at the box: 

Warm Up:
2 Rounds
-250 Meter Row
-10 Zombies
-5x 10 Second Plank Holds to Hand Release Push Ups
-10 Squats
-10 Bird Walks

I feel optimistic about today.

Skill:
2 Rounds (I used PVC for all, to work on my form)
-Overhead Squat 
-Balance Press (I don't actually remember what this was called.)
-Balance Press With Dip
-Snatch Balance

WOD 1:
10 Minute AMRAP
-30 Double Unders (90 SU)
-15 Power Snatch (22lbs)

I got 2.25 rounds.


WOD 2:
EMOM for 5 Minutes
-5 Hang Snatch
-Double Unders for the rest of the minute. 

My shins are killing me after all the jumping, and all the squatting during the skill work has my ankles feeling very strange. As I was getting tired during the overhead squats, I just kind let myself drop into things. Coach H said that my hips opened up properly for the squat when I did that... the only downside is that my heels weren't exactly on the ground. It gives me hope though that someday I'll be able to do things properly. As it is, today's shaping up to be a nice one! :)

Week One: Success!!

Warm Up:
3 Rounds
-25 Jumping Jacks
-25 Flutter Kicks
-25 Squats
-25 Jumping Pull Ups

WOD 1:
4 Rounds
-250 Meter Run
-15 Box Jumps (I did step ups since I apparently have zero balance these days and nearly fell off my 3 45lb bumper plates)
Time: 11:07


WOD 2:
3 Rounds
-15 Knees to Elbows
-15 Calorie Row
-15 Hand Release Push Ups
Time: 10:45

The July Challenge:
-1000 Burpees

Burpee Count for July so far: 83. 


Coach H told me she was proud of me and that my Push Up form was looking wonderful. I saw Coach J this morning too, and he asked me how I was and seemed impressed that I'd been to CF four days in a row. 

Let me tell you, it feels good to have been successful this week. I was so worried I wouldn't make it. This morning too, I was a little depressed when I woke up on this holiday morning with a graduate school paper hanging over my head and a feeling of loneliness. I woke up about 20 minute before my alarm (at least it wasn't at five today!) and sat in bed wondering if I was too sore and bummed out to go to the box. 

Then I got up and put on my clothes. Had a couple fresh strawberries from the farmer's market. Drove myself to the box. I figured that as long as I was there, I might as well WOD. I'm glad I did, because I feel better now, even though this one had me huffing and puffing and staggering around. (I hate you, running.)

"I" was there as well, and I haven't seen him since well before my sabbatical began. That boy has gotten fitter if possible and it was nice to see a friendly face, even though I was reminded sharply that I had wanted "A" to come see what CrossFit is all about today, but our plans fell through. I highly doubt I'm going to get him up at 5 AM on a weeknight to witness me slowly grinding my body down into something resembling a fit person. 

Oh well. I'm having a good day, and am all settled into my desk now for some paper writing and Thai food leftovers. Happy 4th, everyone!  

Delicious vascular epiphyte research!

Ouch Again

Last night when I was in the shower, I saw myself naked... and I was offended. 

This is a problem, especially since I've been thinking lately about how my attitude about myself can influence others. This article sums it up nicely. If I keep telling myself and other people how horrible and ugly I am simply because I'm fluffy around the middle... what if they start listening to me? What if my friends that are less in shape than I am start to believe that if my little bit of stomach pooch is disgusting, I must find them repulsive? What if my boyfriend starts believing me when I say that he deserves someone prettier? What if my future daughter has low self-esteem because she grew up seeing me feeling guilty about eating a cupcake? 

So I told myself last night that I wouldn't trash talk myself like that anymore. It's a 26 year habit I need to break, and it's going to be hard, but there's enough negativity in my life and the world without me complaining how bad I've got it.

Of course, a coworker just showed up with donuts. Oh no. 

This morning I was concerned that waking up was going to be tough. My body hurts SO bad and I was so stiff when I woke up that I was almost queezy. I managed to grandma-walk myself out to the car and go to CrossFit though, and even though my arms hurt too much to brush my hair, I somehow managed to do the WOD. Gosh, endorphins are lovely...

Here's what I did!

Warm Up:
2 Rounds
-200 Meter Run
-10 Inch Worms With Push Ups
-10 Sit Ups
-10 Ball Slams (20lb)
:30 Battle Ropes
-10 PVC Pass Through

Skill:
Power Clean & Jerks
Got up to 42lbs and actually managed a lovely C&J rather than a Clean and Push Press. My elbow didn't complain at that weight, but my hip started feeling funny as I was lifting from the ground.

WOD:
I substituted the prescribed Squat Cleans with Hang Cleans (at 32lbs and then 22lbs for the last 10) plus Front Squats on a box.
-10 Hang Cleans / Front Squats
-20 Wall Ball Sit Ups (14lbs)
-160 Double Unders Attempts/ Single Unders (I would do about 5 SUs and then go for a DU. I managed to get 4 of them, a new daily best!)
-15 Hang Cleans / Front Squats
-20 WB Sit Ups
-120 DU Attempts/ SU
-20 Hang Cleans / Front Squats
-20 WB Sit Ups
-120 DU Attempts/SU

I was one of the last (if not the last) to finish today (17:45 I think?), but I felt good about it. I was read in the face and had to push myself, and like I said, I managed 4 DUs today! (not in a row, but still) and then I also felt really good about my Clean & Jerk as I don't think I ever managed a really nice one before since my elbow usually protests overhead lifts. 

Perhaps the tightness in my biceps that is keeping me from straightening my arm is helping keep my joints in line. New Coach Trainee today gave me some pointers for my knee stability during squats. He suggested keeping my weight on my feet at the inside of my toe and outside of my heel. When I tilt my foot to sit flat, I do feel more stable, but it's very obvious that my hip flexibility is a big problem with those squats still.

Coming Home

Went back to CrossFit yesterday morning, as scheduled.  I am, perhaps understandably, very sore today!

Here's what we did Monday:

Warm Up:
2 Rounds
-200 M Run
-5 Burpees
-100 Flutter Kicks
:30 Squat Bottom
-100 Single Unders


WOD 1:
"Fran"
21-15-9
-Thrusters (I used 15lb Dumbbells and a box)
-Pull Ups (I used Green and Red bands)

Time: 8:45 which met my goal of sub 9!

WOD 2:
Every 90 seconds for 7:30 Descending Number, Ascending Weight
-Thrusters
-Pull Ups
So, 5 Thrusters at 15lb dumbbells and 5 Pull Ups
4 at 17.5lbs
3 at 20lbs
2 at 20lbs
1 at 20lbs

I stopped ascending in weight as my back started to remind me that I haven't lifted anything heavier than a bottle of champagne in the past two months.

Overall, I felt like I pushed myself yesterda, especially since it was my first day back. My arms were shaking and I can feel where I used to have calluses on my hands.

Best part was seeing Coach H there yesterday morning. She doesn't typically coach the 6 AM class anymore, so it felt like an auspicious way to come back to the box.



Today's Activities:

Warm Up: 
2 Rounds
-200 Meter Run
:30 Hang From Bar
-20 Toe Touches (10 Each Leg, Alternating)
-1 Length Quad Stretch
-2 Lengths Farmer's Carry (26lb Kettlebells)

Skill Work: 
Deadlifts
-5 at 40% Max (22lbs)
-5 at 50% Max (42lbs)
-5 at 60% Max (52lbs)

WOD 1:
AMRAP for 9 Minutes
-10 Kettlebell Swings American Style (26lbs)
-9 Deadlifts (62lbs)
-5 Burpees With Lateral Jumps Over Bar

I got 4 complete rounds. 

WOD 2:
Every Minute On The Minute For 7 Minutes
-11 Burpees

I managed a total of 53, which was more than my goal of 50 :)

Today I felt like I pushed it a lot more than yesterday, but that may just be because Burpees are awful or Kettlebell Swings kill me every time. I did miss Deadlifting though. It's the only lift that I was able to do a respectable amount of weight at before I stopped in April. My 1 Rep Max at the time was 82lbs. I'm looking forward to breaking 100!


Also discovered a little souvenir from yesterday: