Smiling

Warm Up:

I was smiling, unlike this woman.

Tabata x3
:20 High Knees
:10 Rest
:20 Ball Slams (20lb)
:10 Plank
:20 Burpees
:10 Plank
:20 Burpees
:10 Rest
:20 Ball Slams
:10 Rest

Skill:
Stretches and more stretches. Also core work.
-1 Minute Plank
-1 Minute L-Hang
-1 Minute V-Ups
-1 Minute Handstand/ Wall Climb (Holding)

WOD:
50-40-30-20-10
-KettleBell Swings (20lb)
-Sit Ups

Finisher:
Choose One
-3x 250 Meter Row with 30 second rest between 
or
-3x 1 Minute Max Double Unders


Today's Reason: Because today as I pounded out the entire WOD without having to take a rest, it occurred to me that I'm getting Stronger, and because smiling my way through the rest of the KB Swings and Sit Ups felt ridiculously rewarding. 

Noms, Workouts, and Deep Thoughts. All Scattered.

Managed to make myself go grocery shopping last night, so for I've got some decent food in the house for a change! Also having dinner with N & D. I'm super excited for pulled pork tacos! Last night I made some egg salad for dinner and will be having leftovers for lunch today. Instead of mayo, I used an avocado this time around. It's delicious! But enough about food. Hit the gym this morning.

Warm Up:
Tabata x2
:20 Mountain Climbers
:10 Plank
:20 Lateral Squats
:10 Squat Bottom
:20 Lateral Squats
:10 Rest
:20 Knee to Chest Jumps
:10 Rest

Skill:
Learned Squat Clean (22lbs, separated into Power Clean and squatting on a box. Ouch.)

WOD:
21-15-9
1 Minute Rest
9-15-21
-Squat Clean
-Ring Dips (I did box dips)
-Row (for Calories)

Finisher:
Another Round of 21-15-9 (Yeah, I didn't get this far.)

After dinner last night I sat quietly and did a lot of deep thinking. Realized as I was trying to talk to some of my friends that they're not really the right type of friends to have certain conversations with.  This is my problem, trying to force things, or forgetting that the reality in my head doesn't match the reality of the world. 

Last night I was pretty blue, and my natural first instinct in that case is to get my Captain's on. Last night though it occurred to me that I've been drinking a lot less lately. I may have a drink every few days, but I rarely finish it. I think fitness is replacing my love of alcohol. It's also changing my appetite. Another thing I'm going to let fitness change is my frivolity. 
No more frivolous spending (said no to a cute dress on clearance because even for the price, I couldn't think of a good reason to buy it)
No more frivolous nights of procrastination
No more frivolous words
No more frivolous affairs or friendships

Awww, memories!

Just have to be more impeccable in my actions. Promoting Love, Honor, and Truth in my life. (As lame as that may sound.) I was pretty depressed for a while in college (I in fact don't remember much of my sophomore year because I was so sad and reclusive and for part of the time, medicated and dissociative. 

While my boyfriend at the time and other friends made fun of me for joining a sorority, I look back on it as the best decision I made in college. Then again, at my small liberal arts school, the tiny Phi Mu chapter was not what comes to mind when one imagines Greek life. Anyway, I came out of my shell and made some of my closest and best friends through Phi Mu. I took the words to heart and meant them every time I said them (with the exception of acknowledging one omnipotent God.) I think I'm a better person because of my time there, and if the Creed got me through back then, maybe I should reference it more often these days. 

To lend to those less fortunate a helping hand.
To think of God as a protector and guide of us all.
To keep forever sacred the memory of those we have loved and lost.
To be to others what we would they would be to us.
To keep our lives gentle, merciful and just,
Thus being true to the womanhood of love.

To walk in the way of honor, guarding the purity of our thoughts and deeds.
Being steadfast in every duty small or large.
Believing that our given word is binding.
Striving to esteem the inner man above culture, wealth or pedigree.
Being honorable, courteous, tender,
Thus being true to the womanhood of honor.

To serve in the light of truth avoiding egotism, narrowness and scorn.
To give freely of our sympathies.
To reverence God as our Maker, striving to serve Him in all things.
To minister to the needy and unfortunate.
To practice day by day love, honor, truth.
Thus keeping true to the meaning, spirit and reality of Phi Mu.

 Looking at this post, I'm pretty disjointed today. I think my mind must still be wading through seas of deep thoughts. 

Discussion with BFF J today made it clear that I  need to stop investing myself in areas that take me away from what I want. I already  knew this, of course, but he makes it sound so easy. It makes me think that I can do it (for at least a few minutes.) That brings us to today's Reason: Because it's all within my control, and I can choose to do what makes me happy instead of choosing to let myself down. 

Saturdays are for Resting (etc.)

Took Saturday off from Crossfit this week. I figured I needed to take at least one day off a week for a rest day.  I met up with a friend though and we started making plans to write a book about fitness for people like us, lol.  I think we could be rich!

Back to the box on Sunday though, since it was my cousin's first time. Well, she's an avid crossfitter, but this was her first time at my gym, thanks to that Groupon offer from last month. Here's Sunday's workout:

Warm Up: 
"Air Helen" x 4 Rounds
-400 Meter High Knees
-21 Ghost KettleBell Swings
-12 Arm circles

WOD:
We made teams of three for the WOD today. One person on each activity until person #1 finished their Wall Climbs. AMRAP in 21 Minutes.
Person #1 - 10 Wall Climbs
Person #2 - Rowing until Person #1 relieved them to go do Walking Lunges.
Person #3 - Walking Lunges until Person #2 relieved them to go do Wall Climbs. 

We got four good rounds in, but I know I had more in me if I'd had the time!

Finisher:
-Max Hold Squat Bottom 
Rest 1 Minute
-Max Hold Plank

I held each for around a minute, but my cousin is a bamf and held her plank for like 4 or 5 minutes!

I just like this.

This morning the gym was back down to being relatively empty, I guess the boom of last week was just temporary. Here's how we rocked it:

Warm Up:
Tabata 1 Round
:20 Jumping Jacks
:10 Squat Bottom
:20 Air Squats
:10 Squat Bottom
:20 Ball Slams (20lb)
:10 Rest
:20 Ball Slams

Skill:
Shoulder Press/Push Press for beginners like me and Push Jerk and Split Jerk for the more confident and skilled folks.

WOD:
AMRAP in 20 Minutes
-10 Shoulder 2 Overhead (We could choose Shoulder Press/Push Press/Push Jerk/ Split Jerk) (I did Push Press 32#)
-5 Burpee Pull Ups (No bands for this, if unable to do Pull Ups (like me!), used a box to jump up to position.)
-25 Double Unders (or 100 Single Unders) (I am SO CLOSE to a DU!!!)

Coach H said that my jump rope form is looking awesome, and so it's just my timing I need to work on. During our 20 minute workout at the office today, I'm going to jump back in (lol, literally) and try to get that DU. I WANT IT. 


That leads us to today's Reason: Because I like catching myself thinking things like, "I could totally get more weight up, and I should probably go do some push ups when I get home" because I am looking forward to being better and not focused on looking a certain way. 

Break Down

Nope. Not working, sorry. 

Yesterday was not what I would call a good day. Unexpected problems sprung up before I even got out of bed in the morning, and my mood was pretty bleak. Went to work and discovered that I was too stressed to cope with other people and so went home at about 9:30 AM. 

I went to my apartment, where I've barely spent any time the past few months, and baked some bread. I sat quietly and read a book. I didn't worry about the outside world at all after the repair men finished fixing my heat. I just tuned out and went away for a while. I did make it to CrossFit at 4:30 PM however, and I'm glad I went. It's like I needed some catharsis. 

Warm up:

10 Minutes of This
-30 Seconds Battle Rope
-250 Meter Row
-20 Roving Planks
-30 Second Hang From Bar
-80 Mountain Climbers

Skill:
-Dead Lift (52lb)

WOD:
11th hour
11-10-9-8-7-6-5-4-3-2-1
-Chest To Bar Pull Ups (bands)
-Dumbbell Push Press (10lb)
-Kettlebell Sumo Dead Lift (20lb)

Finisher:
3x 1 minute plank with 30 second rests between.

I didn't keep track of my time, but it wasn't too long. Maybe 16 minutes or so. 

This morning I had to gird my loins (???) and start all over again. It was tempting to continue not going to work today and just get the weekend started already, but I had to go to CrossFit anyway, and there was homework waiting for me at the Lab, so I got up. I think yesterday was like taking a break in the middle of a WOD, kinda like what we did today. I was exhausted and stressed and couldn't go on, so I took a breather and broke the process down into smaller pieces. Here's today's workout: 

Warm Up:
10 Minutes
:30 Second Plank
-40 Lateral Jumps
-300 Meter Row
-20 Ball Slams (20 lb)
-25 Sit Ups
:30 Battle Ropes


Skill:
Front Squats (22lb)

WOD:
21-15-9
-Burpees
-Front Squats
2 Minute Rest
9-15-21
-Front Squats
-Burpees 

22:30 was my time and this workout concluded my first 5 straight days of CrossFit. I know my body needs to rest more often than I let it this week, because my legs REFUSE to do burpees anymore and left me laying on the floor for about ten minutes today. I just had to keep getting that high this week. The endorphin flood was the only highlight of my life for the past few days. 

Today's Reason: Because it's actually pretty easy to get up and go, so why not? 

No Excuses

Awoke at 6:15 this morning. Too late to go to CrossFit. I sat in bed for a minute pissed at myself for not setting my alarm properly last night. I wasn't hating on myself for missing it, but I was really disappointed, since I had been looking forward to going. So I thought, "Why not just go anyway?". I was too slow to make the 7 AM class, but I could do the 8 o'clock! My boss said she didn't mind if I was a bit late to work since my company is much preferable when I've been to CF and am cheerful instead of gloomy. 

Coach H. had me ring the bell for personal best when I told her about lifting my Oly bar overhead yesterday and she applauded me for showing up to class even after sleeping late. 

Warm Up

My brother made me a present <3

4 Rounds
:20 Seconds High Knees
:10 Squat Bottom
:20 Squat Jumps
:10 Squat Bottom
:20 Plank
:10 Rest
:20 Burpee
:10 Plank
:20 Burpee

Skill:
Shoulder Press (27 lb, nothing exciting.)

WOD:
25 Minute Ladder
-100 Meter Row/Run
-10 Push Ups
-10 KettleBell Swings (20lb)
-200 M Row/Run
-20 Push Ups
-20 KB Swings
-300 M Row/Run
-30  Push Ups
-30 KB Swings
etc...

I did four complete rounds and then another 15 push ups. 

Today is getting crazy, with ups and downs. I'm so glad that working out keeps me level headed. I don't know how I'd cope with shit hitting the fan if I didn't have some tiny measure of control. Thank goodness I didn't make any excuses and hit the gym this morning, otherwise I'd be crying under my desk this afternoon. 

Control

It seems like there's not all that much I can control in my life these days. I can however be in charge of whether or not I go to the gym. So this morning saw me up at 4:55 AM waiting on my alarm to tell me it's time to go to CrossFit. It was super crowded today, and it was a little difficult for everyone to find space to get their work in, but we made it happen! 

Warm Up:

3 Rounds

:20 Double Unders

:10 Rest

:20 Ball Slams (15lb)

:10 Squat Bottom (I used a weight for balance again. It is working well!)

:20 Ball Slams

:10 Rest

:20 Single Unders

:10 Rest

Skill:

Learned Clean & Jerk (32lb) 

WOD:

3 Rounds for Time

-50 Double Unders or 200 Single Unders

-40 Sit Ups

-30 Medicine Ball Cleans

-20 Pull Ups

-10 Hand Stand Push Ups (or in my case, box assisted regular push ups) 

No finisher as we ALL ran out of time before the 7 AM class came in. I felt like a beast though. This was the most rigorous workout we've had in a while! Love it. Coach C is hilarious too, and I do so much enjoy going over there in the morning, even when it's frozen and dark outside and there's no coffee to be found. 

Not sure what my face was doing, but the rest of me was rocking out. 

At the office, I decided to give my Olympic barbell a go. I've never managed to get it overhead before, but today I've done it five times! Feeling so good. 

Today has been a good day. Stress is being managed, and I am cautiously optimistic for and accepting of whatever the future may bring. Beauty and love keep me going sometimes. The tiny things like seeing a barbell on a man's shoulders, or clean sheets or roasted garlic. I do it for those moments. I keep moving and trying because being lucky enough to know people who make you breathless is the best thing about life. I'm blessed with knowing some of the most amazing people and they inspire me every single day. 

That brings us to today's Reason: Because for every beautiful person I know and love and look up to, there's a specific, beautiful part of me that earns their friendship and devotion. 

Eye of the Storm

Judging by the fretful sideways glances I'm getting from my coworkers, I must not be containing my stress as well as I thought I was. This weekend everything kinda fell apart. Money problems, boy problems, school problems. ALL AT THE SAME TIME. Not to mention, the heat wasn't working in my apartment. 

It all just kinda came together to shut me down for a while. Fortunately, I still managed to kick some butt, getting help on my abysmal squats from a friend on Saturday was cool. I think the CrossFit coaches being afraid to touch me or invade my personal space is what was keeping me from really being able to get into squat position and feel what it's supposed to be like. As it turns out, my flexibility is fine, it's my balance that kills me. Holding a dumbbell in front of me while squatting allows me to not fall over while keeping proper form. I blame my tatas for my inability to have a center of gravity in a reasonable place. 

So anyway, felt good about that, especially at CF this morning. In fact, the coaches said my squats looked so much better that I should be doing power snatches like a big girl and not the hang snatch. Fine with me! I only banged myself up a little, and overall I felt really good about today's workout. I wish I could stay at the gym all day. The endorphin rush from the workout is causing some queer side effects though. I know I'm stressed out about a paper (due tonight!) but I feel too good to be stressed. I can't tell if I'm really calm though or if I'm just in the eye of the storm. 

The boy problems got me to thinking some pretty lousy thoughts about myself over the weekend, and my old recurring fantasy about burning my body in a fire has been lurking around again today. I guess that probably means something, but I try not to dwell on it too much.

It all comes down to "What do I want?" 

I say one thing and do another. I want what I can't have. I let myself down by  not living up to my own (relatively low) standards. It makes me think that perhaps I've got a lot more stuff to sort out inside my head and heart. Depression follows too closely on the heels of indecision and disappointment. As much as it kills me, and as much as loneliness contributes to my sadness sometimes, it's becoming more and more clear to me that I should probably be alone for a very long time so I can sort myself out. 

But I digress. CrossFit was super busy this morning. Lots of people taking advantage of the most recent Groupon, I suppose. It was strange to see so many new faces! It's easy to make friends there though, as everyone hates burpees just as much as I do, and you can bond with anyone over the disappointment of putting your outdoor shoes on before your pants. 

Warm Up:

2 rounds
-250 Meter Row
-15 PVC Good Mornings
-15 PVC Pass-Thrus
-15 PVC Power Snatch
-20 Squat (I held a dumbell to counter-balance)
-20 Lateral Jumps

Skill:
-Learned Power Snatch and can do it properly! (22lb)

WOD:
4 rounds
AMRAP in 4 minutes
-5 Power Snatch (22lb)
-10 Box Jumps (2 45lb bumpers instead of a scary box. The coaches baby me something awful. I must look like a wimp.) 

I did 3-4-4-5, pushing myself extra hard on the last round. It seems like an easy workout, but those box jumps tire you out so fast! This was my first time doing them. Fortunately, my friend from Saturday also worked with me on box jumps, rowing, and lunges. 

Saturday  night, I went with that friend to a bonfire where there was a 10 pack of Taco Bell, Glühwein (fortified with Captain's!), and cupcakes. I ate none of it, and am proud of myself. Can't quite get over my lingering regret about the cupcakes though... they had apple filling. I also had a long conversation about my goal of giving up drinking in 2013. My friend asked, "Why wait? If you can't quit now, you won't be able to quit in January either." Truthfully, I love me some drinking. I really do, and everyone knows this about me. So I'm thinking of altering my resolution to drinking only one drink a week, and it better be a fantastic drink. 

Today's Reason:  Because I'd rather sweat and bleed than want to burn my body in a fire, and I'm certain it's healthier. 

Now it's back to hunting up some delicious looking recipes, since my monetary failure this weekend has left me eating only rice until Friday.