The Bliss of Enlightenment and Creative Epiphanies

In just a few days, it's like my entire life exploded outward in a rush of positive energy and ideas. This is rare for me. It's only happened a few times before, and each time heralded a grand change in my life. I'm typically pretty low energy and often sad, only devoting my persistence and creativity to single projects outside the scope of my own health and happiness. (i.e. creating ornate care packages to mail to pen-pals instead of caring for myself.) 

I'm not sure if it's the 7-Day Fitness Challenge itself that's inspired me so much... or if it's that the stars have aligned and my Soul Sister and I are going to attempt creating a dual-powered health/happiness/fitness/friendliness initiative. We're going to pool our resources and create something great for ourselves. (And hopefully we'll help others in the process!)

Here's Day 3 and Day 4 of the Challenge, for those of you following along at home. 

Stay tuned, something great is brewing!

7 - Day Fitness Challenge with Nikki Sue

Yesterday, on the most glorious Memorial Day in recent memory I joined a little fitness challenge with my friend who has started her own side business as a wellness coach. She created a mini plan for the group to do daily exercises and a Facebook group support page where we can all talk to one another and share inspiration and ideas about clean eating, good feelings, and healthy living.

So far, it's been lovely. Today Beef and I took a crack at the day two workout and even compiled some photographic evidence in the form of the "post workout selfie". 

Not a bad workout for between beers and BBQ.

Blurry. Which is how I felt after. 

#PostSweatSelfie

Working out with Beef and being part of the online group both reiterated a fact that I've known for a long time: healing is a process that's accelerated by good friends. Depression is something that can be overcome, it's true, especially if there's a smiling face across from you or a kind word across the World Wide Web.

Fitness and Depression

Over the weekend, my dearest Soul Sister came over and helped me finish unpacking my apartment. We cleaned and had wine along with our friend L, and it was just a brilliant weekend.Soul Sister and I were talking about the new Henry Ford program that she's piloting. The program is designed to help people suffering with depression by not only providing therapy, but also life tools and exercise opportunities for patients. It reminded me of why I started this blog, especially in light of the hard, long, depressing winter we just had. It's only now becoming spring here.

In talking to her, my  enthusiasm for so many things came back to life.

I had seen this coming for Soul Sister for a very long time. I had know that her life would lead her in this direction, and just as I wrote about way back in the earlier days of my blog, I feel like it's connected to me as well. Something magical is brewing. 

The events of the weekend led to a truly great feeling as I entered into this week. My apartment is tidy and feels like home finally. The place is decorated and organized and I have room in the Gymbrary. So much good came from the simple conversations of friends and spending time with Soul Sister and Beef. 

________________________________________________


Tuesday was Upper Body! Beef and I decided to tackle a legit weight training workout Tuesday and ventured into the Bro Zone of the gym. It was very busy and I admit I was very intimidated as we were using a bench and taking up space in the male dominated area. Here's what we did:

Warm Up:
-25 Minutes on the Elliptical
-15 Minutes of Stretching

Workout:
Everything was 3 sets of 10, and I attempted to keep to 3 second movements, although we were using pretty light weights by nature of not being very confident or skilled at the motions. 
-Dumbbell Bench Press: This felt wobbly and odd and I was certain that all the jockstraps at the gym were disgruntled I was taking up bench space to lift 15 pound weights.
-Barbell Rows: These we did standing, using a fixed weight bar of 20lbs. I didn't want to go to heavy because I was concerned that we'd do these wrong and end up hurting our backs instead of working our shoulders. 
-Dumbbell Shoulder Press: This too felt wobbly and odd, but it was challenging, which felt nice (15lbs)
-Dumbbell Flys: Lying on the floor (away from the bros) we used lighter weights for these, about 7.5-10lbs)
-Lateral Raises: Used nice light 5lbs for these. Felt very fatigued at the end of it all. 
-Told Beef we need to do some tricep dips too, but we were ready to leave, so we didn't. 

It was really difficult for me to work with Beef on these things. She is new and unfamiliar with the movements, so while if I were by myself trying to figure them out, I'd have a basic understanding of what things should feel like and how I should stand, etc. I just suck at explaining it to her. I can see that there's something a little off with say, a shoulder press, but I'm inarticulate and can't explain how to do it differently to get better results. I don't want to be giving poor advice which would lead to injury, so I suppose all I can do is try to teach myself how to do the movements so well that I can understand the mechanics enough to explain them to others. 

Night Writing

As I was cuddling into bed last night (or a few weeks ago) at my new apartment, listening to the evening traffic screaming by my windows, I was suddenly overcome with the desire to write. My thoughts turned immediately here, to my neglected blog and I composed a wonderful post all in my head. 

I talked about the changes in my life recently.
I talked about some of the original reasons I started this blog:
I talked about my current fitness approaches like P90X3, the gym with Beef, and the "Home Life Challenge" with A. 
I talked about teaching.
I talked about the turn of the seasons and the persistent shadow of winter that's been hanging over me. 
I talked about the way I look ridiculous doing lifts at the regular gym. Stupid mirrors.
I talked about using Every Move with my coworkers (and really loving it!)
I talked about how I can't seem to stop watching Bro Science Life.


And so I've been sitting on this long list of things to write about for a few weeks and have been too overwhelmed to even write it! There's too much to say, especially all in one post.

I will say that I dreamed I was at CrossFit again last night (actual last night, not several weeks ago last night) and the personalities of Coaches H and J were so vivid it felt like I must have just seen them. Honestly, as I drove by the box over the gorgeous sunny weekend, I was tempted to stop in.

I think I'm afraid that everything would be different. I know they've expanded and ventured into other fitness areas and that anyone who started when I did (and kept with it) is probably quite proficient at things by now. So after that drive by, I went home and took a crack at the first real WOD I ever did, Angie. It's a bit different in my 2nd bedroom (otherwise known as the Gymbrary as it holds my exercise stuff and all my books). Additionally, I only made it through 50 reps of each exercise instead of 100, and I had to break it up into pieces instead of going straight through each movement 100 times before moving on to the next.

Warm Up: 
Gym with Beef
-13 Minutes Elliptical (lol)
-15 Minutes Stretching
-Garage Sales

"Skill" Work:
-30 Walking Lunges With Slingshot Band
-3x 30 Second Squat Holds With Slingshot Band
I'm trying to work the weird knee bobble that's screwing up my squats. Yes, after all this time, I'm still obsessed with my inability to squat. 

WOD:
"Angie"
-100 Pull Ups (I used the fat green band)
-100 Push Ups (I used the Slingshot band)
-100 Sit Ups with Abmat
-100 Squats (I used the edge of a chair for a target)
I ended up breaking things up into rounds of 25 and made it through two before having to stop. To be honest, it was pretty hot in there on Sunday and I haven't worked out WOD style in a really long time, so I'm still proud of myself. Not to mention I'm still sore from it two days later.

Time:
16:42

I will try to come back and fill in some of those other items I wanted to write about instead of getting overwhelmed with a million things to say. I think 2014 is going to be a good year though, the air tastes like possibilities. It also happens to smell like BBQ, which is another great thing about hanging out with Beef!

Jalapenos with cheese, bacon wrapped beans, Caribbean Jerk chicken, and Ballpark beef franks 

Adventures With A Buddy

Tonight after work Beef and I struck out for the gym for our first dual workout. We warmed up with 20 minutes on the elliptical and it was unique and fun how talkative she was and how the time went by much more quickly than when I suffer alone!

From there we did 3 sets of 12 seated dumbbell shoulder presses (I used 15lbs, Beef was 10). She has never really used free weights but she let me try to show her how to use them as the gym was swarmed by teenage sweaty boys. 

From there Beef took the time to show me how to use some of her favorite machines  including the hip abductor machine. It was another 3 sets of 12, this time at 150lbs of resistance. 

After that we changed it up again and I showed her my favorite: Renegade Rows. I used the 12.5lbs and did 3 sets of 6 on each arm. 

We didn't find the ab swing that my  new Best Workout Buddy wanted to use, but we did see Pierre, who will be giving us our introductory training session on Tuesday. Before we cut out at 6:30 we did 3 last sets of 12 on the assisted pull up machine. The first two sets had 85 pounds of counterweight and the last set we used 100lbs as we were fatigued. 

I'm just so glad that we did that. When we left I headed back to the lab to grade some student papers and I felt optimistic for the first time all week. I am so glad that the dark stressful shit show of my life seems to has brightened a bit. 

This whole turning my life around and not being a lump thing seems to be going fairly well. 

I guess the stability ball under my desk is going to be getting a work out too!

Blood Orange

This morning at around 4 I woke myself with effort from a very bad nightmare. In the dream I was being chased and attacked by a large man who had only one goal: to murder me violently. I screamed and screamed for help but none of the neighbors could hear me and I resorted to fighting back with a lawn shovel (not to be confused with a snow shovel or rake, which proved to be ineffective against my giant nightmare attacker). I struck him and struck him, desperately hoping to knock him out with repeated blows to the head but he couldn't be stopped. It was only through forcing myself awake that I escaped. 

I think I watch too much of the Investigation Discovery (ID) Channel. 

There was no chance of returning to dreamland after that, so after lying in bed feeling depressed as an extension of the depressing evening I'd had the night before, I just got up. I put on gym clothes and walked out into the dark cold street. It was quiet and still and I was relieved that there wasn't more snow. The winter is crushing me every day and walking out into a morning that felt filled with potential instead of full of cursing exasperated drivers was a special treat. 

Went to the new bargain gym and was glad to see that it's not all that busy in the early morning hours and I hopped onto an elliptical at a few minutes after six. 20 minutes later and I felt like the worst, most out of shape rube on the planet. My heart rate still hasn't settled down from the 190s where it shot to the instant I started moving. That can't be healthy at my age. 

I serrepitiously scoped out the gym a little bit as I followed the instructions on the machine and watched the early morning weight lifters. I dreamed of all the exercises I'd like to go over there and do, but I was too timid. I'm looking forward to having Beef with me when we go after work tomorrow. I feel like at least if she's with me I won't chicken out as much. There's something to be said for having strong friends.

I made it to work, got cleaned up and dressed and breakfasted and sat down in my cube at 7 AM on the dot. One hour to go. I started grading some of my students' work from this week but then recalled how much I loved keeping up with my blog and figured the time was now.

As I munch now on a blood orange, I'm remembering why I was so bummed out yesterday. It was one of those times where I realized that if I'd just stuck with it a year ago, I'd probably already have reached some of my fitness goals. If only I hadn't given up and let the sadness and wretched desire to be still and quiet overcome me. 

I wondered yesterday if settling into a happy comfortable relationship stole some of my drive. I certainly don't put in as much effort to looking nice as I used to (not that it was ever that much back when I was super depressed all the time). I don't eat as well as I'd like because I'm trying to feed a large carnivore who loves ice cream and isn't satisfied by my vegetable stir-fry proclivities. 

I'm complacent. 

Complacency has never been okay for me. I don't want to settle into a life, I want to strive for one. 


Back to My Fitness Pal! Time to start paying attention again. 

Created by MyFitnessPal - Free Calorie Counter

Bridal Bootcamp

A dear friend of mine is getting married this summer. As such, she's hoping to be a bit more diligent about working out and eating better in the coming months than she's been for the past few years. There's always been a lingering desire between the two of us to be more proactive about our fitness, but we seem to stall constantly in our endeavors.

I've tried CrossFit (loved it, can't afford it) and a fancy deluxe gym (didn't love it, still couldn't afford it) as well as a very impressive arsenal of home fitness products/devices and intimate knowledge of tons of body weight workouts (can certainly afford it, but still don't do it).

My friend, Beef (an assumed name for identity purposes, obviously) has purchased yoga lessons and even has an elliptical in her basement. We both have stability balls at our desks which rarely get sat upon and our office yoga mats are dusty since we can't quite bring ourselves to abandon our computers during lunch hour and also are leery of the creeping eyes of coworkers who wander by when we're doing push ups in the break room. 

Today we took the plunge together and joined one of those small bargain gyms which is located very near our office. I feel very optimistic that this will work better for us than the things we've tried independently before. There's lots of evidence asserting that working out with a partner is better for a myriad of reasons. 

After the weekend I had where my depression flared up in a terrifying way causing a mini breakdown and left me unable to get off the floor/couch for an entire day, I know that it is time to start self-medicating again with exercise. Monday morning's raging yelling session at my frozen car really demonstrated that I'm sick of this winter and my cabin fever is getting manic. I need to do something.

Those that know me best and anyone who's followed this blog probably wonders why I keep trying new things "maybe this time it will work and I'll finally find the key to getting fit!!!!" They've/You've heard it all before from me. I've had more failures than successes. 

Isn't there a proverb though that tells us to always get up one more time than we fall? 

So here's another attempt at reaching my goals. Beef will help me stay accountable and for heaven's sake maybe I'll make it out of this winter alive.