Adventures With A Buddy

Tonight after work Beef and I struck out for the gym for our first dual workout. We warmed up with 20 minutes on the elliptical and it was unique and fun how talkative she was and how the time went by much more quickly than when I suffer alone!

From there we did 3 sets of 12 seated dumbbell shoulder presses (I used 15lbs, Beef was 10). She has never really used free weights but she let me try to show her how to use them as the gym was swarmed by teenage sweaty boys. 

From there Beef took the time to show me how to use some of her favorite machines  including the hip abductor machine. It was another 3 sets of 12, this time at 150lbs of resistance. 

After that we changed it up again and I showed her my favorite: Renegade Rows. I used the 12.5lbs and did 3 sets of 6 on each arm. 

We didn't find the ab swing that my  new Best Workout Buddy wanted to use, but we did see Pierre, who will be giving us our introductory training session on Tuesday. Before we cut out at 6:30 we did 3 last sets of 12 on the assisted pull up machine. The first two sets had 85 pounds of counterweight and the last set we used 100lbs as we were fatigued. 

I'm just so glad that we did that. When we left I headed back to the lab to grade some student papers and I felt optimistic for the first time all week. I am so glad that the dark stressful shit show of my life seems to has brightened a bit. 

This whole turning my life around and not being a lump thing seems to be going fairly well. 

I guess the stability ball under my desk is going to be getting a work out too!

Blood Orange

This morning at around 4 I woke myself with effort from a very bad nightmare. In the dream I was being chased and attacked by a large man who had only one goal: to murder me violently. I screamed and screamed for help but none of the neighbors could hear me and I resorted to fighting back with a lawn shovel (not to be confused with a snow shovel or rake, which proved to be ineffective against my giant nightmare attacker). I struck him and struck him, desperately hoping to knock him out with repeated blows to the head but he couldn't be stopped. It was only through forcing myself awake that I escaped. 

I think I watch too much of the Investigation Discovery (ID) Channel. 

There was no chance of returning to dreamland after that, so after lying in bed feeling depressed as an extension of the depressing evening I'd had the night before, I just got up. I put on gym clothes and walked out into the dark cold street. It was quiet and still and I was relieved that there wasn't more snow. The winter is crushing me every day and walking out into a morning that felt filled with potential instead of full of cursing exasperated drivers was a special treat. 

Went to the new bargain gym and was glad to see that it's not all that busy in the early morning hours and I hopped onto an elliptical at a few minutes after six. 20 minutes later and I felt like the worst, most out of shape rube on the planet. My heart rate still hasn't settled down from the 190s where it shot to the instant I started moving. That can't be healthy at my age. 

I serrepitiously scoped out the gym a little bit as I followed the instructions on the machine and watched the early morning weight lifters. I dreamed of all the exercises I'd like to go over there and do, but I was too timid. I'm looking forward to having Beef with me when we go after work tomorrow. I feel like at least if she's with me I won't chicken out as much. There's something to be said for having strong friends.

I made it to work, got cleaned up and dressed and breakfasted and sat down in my cube at 7 AM on the dot. One hour to go. I started grading some of my students' work from this week but then recalled how much I loved keeping up with my blog and figured the time was now.

As I munch now on a blood orange, I'm remembering why I was so bummed out yesterday. It was one of those times where I realized that if I'd just stuck with it a year ago, I'd probably already have reached some of my fitness goals. If only I hadn't given up and let the sadness and wretched desire to be still and quiet overcome me. 

I wondered yesterday if settling into a happy comfortable relationship stole some of my drive. I certainly don't put in as much effort to looking nice as I used to (not that it was ever that much back when I was super depressed all the time). I don't eat as well as I'd like because I'm trying to feed a large carnivore who loves ice cream and isn't satisfied by my vegetable stir-fry proclivities. 

I'm complacent. 

Complacency has never been okay for me. I don't want to settle into a life, I want to strive for one. 


Back to My Fitness Pal! Time to start paying attention again. 

Created by MyFitnessPal - Free Calorie Counter

Bridal Bootcamp

A dear friend of mine is getting married this summer. As such, she's hoping to be a bit more diligent about working out and eating better in the coming months than she's been for the past few years. There's always been a lingering desire between the two of us to be more proactive about our fitness, but we seem to stall constantly in our endeavors.

I've tried CrossFit (loved it, can't afford it) and a fancy deluxe gym (didn't love it, still couldn't afford it) as well as a very impressive arsenal of home fitness products/devices and intimate knowledge of tons of body weight workouts (can certainly afford it, but still don't do it).

My friend, Beef (an assumed name for identity purposes, obviously) has purchased yoga lessons and even has an elliptical in her basement. We both have stability balls at our desks which rarely get sat upon and our office yoga mats are dusty since we can't quite bring ourselves to abandon our computers during lunch hour and also are leery of the creeping eyes of coworkers who wander by when we're doing push ups in the break room. 

Today we took the plunge together and joined one of those small bargain gyms which is located very near our office. I feel very optimistic that this will work better for us than the things we've tried independently before. There's lots of evidence asserting that working out with a partner is better for a myriad of reasons. 

After the weekend I had where my depression flared up in a terrifying way causing a mini breakdown and left me unable to get off the floor/couch for an entire day, I know that it is time to start self-medicating again with exercise. Monday morning's raging yelling session at my frozen car really demonstrated that I'm sick of this winter and my cabin fever is getting manic. I need to do something.

Those that know me best and anyone who's followed this blog probably wonders why I keep trying new things "maybe this time it will work and I'll finally find the key to getting fit!!!!" They've/You've heard it all before from me. I've had more failures than successes. 

Isn't there a proverb though that tells us to always get up one more time than we fall? 

So here's another attempt at reaching my goals. Beef will help me stay accountable and for heaven's sake maybe I'll make it out of this winter alive. 

Dreams, Support, and Change

It's happened a few times over the past several months and it happened again last night. I dreamed of CrossFit.

The Box was no longer the place I remembered in my dream, but it was more like an outdoor track adjacent to an old lady's house or a moderately priced hotel. I didn't recognize any faces but everyone excitedly questioned me about my presence. I was feeling anxious and afraid and intended to have an active rest day since I couldn't find the white board anywhere and everyone seemed to know what to do except me. They all kept smiling though and asking me if I were a chef (hmm, no) and I felt welcome there. I felt inspired to go out and try to copy what everyone else was doing (at least until I realized I wasn't wearing any pants... a recurring theme in my CrossFit dreams is that I'm in my PJs). And then Coach J came in from the kitchen where the old ladies were hanging out having coffee and caught up to me stumbling along trying to follow the other people and gave me a big hug (at which time I promptly tripped us both and we bit it) and then Coach H was there giving me the vaguely concerned, amused look that she used to always give me whenever I demonstrated my extreme grace (such as falling from the toes-to-bar and nearly breaking my neck). 

In that instant I felt like home. I felt like even though the place had changed and grown (into a hotel it seemed at one point) and I didn't have my regular 6 AM compatriots there, it was still a place that I could fit. Still a place that I could belong. 



Last night I had a look back on my life the past few years. I was into some pretty destructive behavior and very negative thinking as I spiraled down into depression and self-negligence. There were a bad few years. Thinking about when it all stopped, I wondered how I became so comparatively well adjusted and it occurred to me that it correlated with when I started going to CrossFit. I wasn't instantly cured, but I suddenly started thinking of my body differently and caring about I put into it for other reasons than weight loss. By caring for my body mechanically, it forced me to care about myself.

All this dawned on me last night as I chatted with my roommate and fellow CrossFit enthusiast, T. She is recovering from an injury which has kept her from WODing the way she'd like and we commiserated a little bit on the loss of the community and catharsis of our sport. 

Sometimes I feel like I can't say it's my sport anymore since I've been AWOL so long, but it is and there's absolutely no doubt in my mind that I'll get back into it. It's simply a matter of when. 



As I was doing the Whole Life Challenge last fall it became very apparent that a supportive community is essential when you're trying to live a better life. If everyone thinks you're being weird when you politely decline baked brie in a bread bowl (OMG), it's a lot more difficult to resist it. If you're surrounded by people who brought guacamole instead, you're more likely to eat clean. I like that support, and I loved the support of going to the box and feeling included, even if I didn't know anyone in the class. 

Maybe I do particularly well with a community because as a society we're all so isolated from each other these days thanks to the technology we're attached to and the sheer amounts of data we take in, but I feel like most of the time I'm on my own. I feel disconnected from other people quite a bit and being in a situation where I'm mentally and physically engaged with people who are present with their entire beings feels like home compared to spending time with people who commune exclusively with their iPhones. 



Been working hard to make some  changes (as always) and I'm feeling good about this year so far. Now I just need to start moving again and writing about it here. This was a good situation for me and I miss it. 

Return to the WOD...of the Non-CrossFit affiliate variety

I got in a couple of "Alpha" workouts over at Life Time Fitness back in November which were cached here on my blog but unpublished. Here's a taste of what the rich folks' WOD looks like:

Tuesday

Warm Up:
Some stretching
Quad Rolling
Tiger Tail (ow)

Ab Ball.
Legs straight, hip raises x10
Legs bent, hip raises x10
Legs straight, hip raise, roll in to bent knees/higher hips x10
2 sets

Plank on ball, circling arms 10 times left, 10 times right, 2 sets

PVC Pass Through and PVC circle throughs x 20 and x20

Goblet Squats 3 sets of 10 12 lbs

KB Dead Lift x10 -3 sets to get form

Skill:
Deadlifts for form
KB Swings for form

WOD:
4 Rounds (Not for Time)
-5 Deadlift (75lbs as I wanted it to be difficult, but havne't deadlifted in forever and didn't want to get hurt)
-10 KB Swings

Finisher:
10 Minute AMRAP
-10 TRX Rows (Very low)
-10 Ab Dolly knees-in with hips high in plank position.

I did 5 rounds of the rows and 4.5 Rounds of the Abs.



Thursday

Warm up:
Stretching
Hamstring Rolls
Tiger Tail
500 Meter Row

Class Warm Up:
Ball Work: 10 Straight Leg, 10 Bent, 10 Curls
On rig, squat bottoms
10 Goblet Squats
10 Overhead Squats with PVC
Spiderman Lunges

Skill work:
Squat Mobility
Band around knees (8 inch circle-ish)
Squat Half, wide legs: 10 knees in together, 10 Right, 10 Left
Walking Lunges with 10lb dumbbells overhead 5 each leg

WOD:
10 KB Swings (12lbs)
10 banded knees together
5 Front Squat with 45lb Bar and Band around knees
Adjusted farmer's carry, one arm up and one arm down 14lbs each arm, alternating at half-way through the route.

Discussion about knee physiology

Calf Raise Machine- Until I felt the burn.

RECON

So, where was I? 

Oh yes, still "fluffy" around the middle, stressed out, and broke. This week I've been trying to simplify and declutter a bit in an effort to streamline my life for thrift purposes and yesterday morning as I got dressed for a fundraising dinner, feeling all proud of myself for doing my hair and looking nice, I noticed that most of my clothes don't fit. Not just some of them, but most of them. Most of my really nice business attire, specifically. 
Sadly, they don't fit because they're too small, not because I'm too svelte to be wearing them anymore. Bummer. 

So I pulled a bunch of stuff out of my drawers and closet and took them to work to see if anyone was interested in taking the cute things. The rest will be going in the garage sale on 9/14. 

I know some of the clothes had been held onto in prior purges because I was dreaming of fitting into them again. When I was 20-30 lbs less, I had some really adorable clothes to wear! Alas, there's no going back. Even if I work out religiously, I know now that the only reason I was that small was because I was incredibly active and malnourished. When I finally achieve some semblance of fitness again, it's going to be full of muscles, and I likely won't fit into those clothes anymore anyway. I need to get rid of them instead of clinging to them out of this sense of nostalgia. 


Anyway, I've had to stop the CrossFit what with not being able to pay all my bills and such, so here's the new and improved plan for staying active now that I don't have a gym home. 

"A" and I are going to try to get together three times a week to work out, utilizing the fitness center at the condo complex he lives in. It's got limited amenities, with a recumbent bike, elliptical, treadmill, and a bow-flexish looking combination weight machine. There's also a pool, and the whole facility is accessed with a palm scanner. It's so hilarious getting into a tiny room with generic machines using a pin code and having your palm print scanned. Surreal. 

Anyway, "A" is more of a typical weightlifting athlete, starting his workouts with a mile run, then doing a few specific weight training exercises for 3 sets of 15 or whatever. Then he concludes with another mile and an ab routine. 

I devised a WOD using Google and the thought "hotel gym WODs" for our first workout... which was supposed to be last night. Here's what I had planned to do:

Warm Up:
-20 Minute "Run" on the elliptical (I am still trying to avoid those shin splints.)

WOD 1:
5 Minute AMRAP
-7 Lat Pulldowns
-10 Push Ups

WOD 2:
5 Minute AMRAP
-5x 1 arm alternating KB presses
-10 Sit Ups

Finisher:
2 Minute AMRAP
-Burpees


Using my new and improved life organization skills, I was all packed up and prepared to hit the gym after work yesterday. Alas, I failed to factor in how long the fundraising dinner would take! 

We ended up not getting home until 9 pm from the restaurant. (Where I ate terribly, by the way. All sorts of delicious fried food and a vodka mojito.)

I guess in hindsight I should have planned better and realized that we would be out socializing long after supper was finished. Rats. I'm actually kinda "meh" this morning and bummed out as a result.  It is really obvious that "A" and I are the type to put off a workout and by lazy instead of motivating each other to get to it.

I am worried that we're going to have a hard time making this plan work with our schedules, which is a real shame, because I think we'd enjoy working out together and I know I certainly want to be doing more things with him since it seems like when we get to hang out, we're either at his softball league or I'm sleeping. (Or both!)


As an incentive to help us meet our workout goals though, I thought a nice little present was in order. This will also keep me from blowing money whenever I find something I want. One gift after completing a specific goal for X amount of time. That's the new rule!

I was thinking that if we both meet our fitness goals of working out 3 times a week for 3 months, we can each get a new shirt from Rogue, since we are very fond of the ones we have. I may or may not be dreaming of more matching T-shirts. Is that weird? 

Wouldn't we be cute in this? Photo courtesy of www.roguefitness.com

I'm hoping for better times ahead, and I'm weighing my options because I really want to make my fitness a priority in my life even though I'm trying to downsize my spending and also have more time to be at home taking care of my personal needs. My buddy "I" has suggested that I tag along with him to LA Fitness to work on building my strength, since apparently "Strength is a bucket into which you pour fitness. Bigger the bucket, the more it can hold." 

He thinks that I'll meet my goals for looking better and being stronger sooner if I focus on my strength and not just keep sporadically WODing. I'm inclined to believe him, since he's always been very helpful in my past endeavors to understand my workouts. Anyway, maybe on nights when I'm in my home city instead of out where "A" lives I will be able to hit up the free weights at LA Fitness, utilizing his guest privileges. 

All I know is that I feel lousy today for eating crap and not meeting my daily organizational and self-care goals. I don't feel guilty, I physically feel terrible, and I can only blame the fried food and being dehydrated. I was also having a really great week, taking care of my other new life goals, and yesterday felt like it derailed them, and today seems to be going that direction as well. 

Whole Life Challenge

So, I've signed up for The Whole Life Challenge and I'm a little excited. I'm not being as great about working out as I should be, but I'm hopeful that since I've been spending significant amounts of time organizing and cleaning out my house lately, and because I've been trying to get my stuff together in different areas, and have managed to pack my lunch a few times this week and am sleeping and smiling and even went for a walk in the park yesterday..

I'm hoping that things are going to go alright. 

I'm hoping the fresh start (8762 fresh starts and counting!) will be a great beginning to the magical change of the seasons into autumn and that this challenge will just be a little tool to help me.

I've asked friends and coworkers to join, but most of them are disinterested in paying the enrollment on the real challenge, and hesitant to cut out major parts of their diet like sugar, soy, and dairy. I've offered an alternative though. I will work with them to draw up their own diet plans that are still challenging for them, but which resonate with the 'healthy eating paradigm' that they ascribe to, and they can track it all on My Fitness Pal. 

We'll still use the same point system:
5 Points for food
2 Points for Exercise
2 Point for Mobility
1 Point for Supplements
1 Point for the Life Challenges
With Bonus Points for Journaling. 


I think it will be fun for my friends and coworkers to get involved in this way, and I'd certainly enjoy the company. No reason for them to go all gung-ho like I do... just making small changes at first can cascade into bigger changes down the line if they feel inspired!