Part of being depressed sometimes means BUYING ALL THE THINGS. So it has been over the past year or so. I have been slowly collecting fitness memorabilia and equipment.
I'm pretty sure that owning so much fitness stuff and not managing to work out regularly is an indicator that I'm merely a fitness tourist. The only thing to be done is to work out more and be sure to use all my stuff so that way I feel slightly less guilty about owning it all.
Unfortunately, having so much stuff also means that there is slowly becoming less and less room in my apartment. Pretty decorating choices are eclipsed by yoga balls and jump ropes dangling from the paintings. Weird.
I thought I'd make a little list of my home 'gym' stuff today as a distraction since I've not only not been working out, but I've been wallowing in depression for a few days. Sunday I couldn't even make myself get out of bed until 3 PM and I was feeling like a social pariah at the Halloween parties I attended on Friday and Saturday.
In lieu of actual fitness, I'll write about the things I purchased instead of working out. Win?
Media:
-Insanity DVDs from my Mum's. She got them a few years ago and hated it, so now they are mine!
-P90X DVDs that I got after seeing my BFF+ (Also known as J) have a ton of success with them.
-Yoga DVD from somewhere. Truthfully, I'm not a yoga enthusiast, so I never use it.
-Stability Ball DVD that came with my stability ball. I never use this either.
Technology:
-Zero Weight Scale. Got this in a Groupon deal. It's a really nice scale, actually, and I can set it so that it only tells me my gains/losses rather than my total weight.
-Pedometer. Came with the scale. Use it sometimes for amusement, but don't find it particularly helpful.
-Wristwatch/Stopwatch/Heart Rate Monitor. Got this a few years ago at Meijer or something. Batteries have finally died, but I am pretty fond of it since I tend to have a stupidly high heart rate at the mere thought of exercise.
-Fit Radio on my phone. It's nice to have music sometimes!
-MyFitnessPal.com to track calories and exercises on my computer and my phone.
-Food Scale. Yup.
Equipment:
-Jankety Old Stationary Bicycle from St. Vincent Du Paul. It's loud as all get out, so I'm going to get rid of it.
-Pull Up Bar - door mounted
-Gymnastic Rings
-Weight Resistance Bands in assorted thicknesses
-Pull Up Assisting Bands - green, black, purple
-Dumbells - 5 lb and 10 lb
-Kettlebells - 15, 20, 25 lb
-Barbell - 7 ft, 45 lb
-Yoga Mat
-Stability Ball
-Jump Rope
-Cable Speed Jump Rope
-Ab Mat
-Grip Strength Exerciser Squeezy Thing. (*shrug*)
Maybe tonight I'll do some ab work, since apparently I won the ab contest this weekend. I'm positive that it was only because I have boobs and the 'impartial' judge didn't even look below my bra!
Tuesday, October 30, 2012
Wednesday, October 24, 2012
Hmmm
A treasured friend pointed out to me that my last post came off as slightly elitist. Looking at it, I can see how it could be read that way.
Those who know me best know that I consider myself considerably less than other people... in pretty much every way. I am merely disheartened that in this world, it seems like more emphasis is always put on how we look than how we feel or who we are. It's pervasive in every aspect of our society and I wish it weren't so.
I wish I lived in a society where everyone went to the gym because they liked it, not because they felt guilty about how they look. That used to be me. A year ago if you asked me, my only reason to work out was to look better, because I thought that my mental faculties and personality were passable, and that the reason no one loved me was because I was too fluffy around the middle.
I've gained a little wisdom, but I've still got plenty of that same humility.
Those who know me best know that I consider myself considerably less than other people... in pretty much every way. I am merely disheartened that in this world, it seems like more emphasis is always put on how we look than how we feel or who we are. It's pervasive in every aspect of our society and I wish it weren't so.
I wish I lived in a society where everyone went to the gym because they liked it, not because they felt guilty about how they look. That used to be me. A year ago if you asked me, my only reason to work out was to look better, because I thought that my mental faculties and personality were passable, and that the reason no one loved me was because I was too fluffy around the middle.
I've gained a little wisdom, but I've still got plenty of that same humility.
I'm Shocked To Discover It's Not About That.
Lately as I peruse Pinterest looking at CrossFit and fitness stuff, I see a lot of pictures of women's bodies in short shorts, with pithy phrases like "Get that Mali Booty" or "Nothing tastes as good as thin feels" or "Motivation".
Saw these gems too:
Yeah, because I always go do double unders with no bra, my shorts pulled up into my butt, and heels. My fitness is not about looking sexy, and I find myself getting irritated lately about the emphasis on exercise for the purpose of looking hot. Strong is the New Sexy, hey? That's not really cool with me anymore. How about strong is strong. For once I'd like to do something for me, instead of for some guy that wants to ogle me at LA Fitness, or for the douche-bag boyfriend who just wishes I were a little thinner.
I am thin. I also happen to find myself sexy. I just don't understand why promoting women doing real workouts instead of playing on the elliptical has to include models in full makeup, with artfully aranged hair (see below), who have also been strategically spritzed with "sweat"? Isn't it impressive enough that this woman is (allegedly) doing a weighted back squat? Does she really have to look sexy for a man while she's at it?
The worst part of it all is that I took a picture of myself last night after finishing a quick workout in my office. (100 Single Unders, 20 Kettlebell Swings [20lb], 50 Sit Ups, 25 Mountain Climbers, 25 Jack Knives.)
I had intended to send the picture to my cardio partner, A., as proof that I was rocking out and all sweaty. I took the picture at a downward angle as I lay sprawled on my yoga mat, trying to look attractive. Why on earth would I try to look attractive after a workout?! Why would I send a picture that looks down my sports bra and makes my thighs look smaller? Why should it matter?
That's when it occurred to me that I Don't work out to look sexy for other people. I caught myself explaining to my brother the other day that life is more manageable on days that I work out, and that I'm happier and less stressed. I talked about how good it is to think "I can't do that" at the beginning of the WOD and then feel my body be like "F* that noise, I've got this." I told him how when I'm taking care of my body by working out, it spreads into other parts of my life as well-- I keep my apartment cleaner, I cook myself real food instead of eating out, I take the time to get dolled up and take myself out for a nice night. NEVER did I say, "I work out so that way I look sexy and can meet a man."
Today's Reason: Because "F* Them All", this is personal, and it's for me.
PS: I know that probably the majority of women work out in order to look good. That's fine. It is just blatant sexualization of us working out that bothers me. It almost feels like women lifting weights and doing "men's" workouts is a fetish for someone. Gross.
Saw these gems too:
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| I get more reps in stilettos. |
Yeah, because I always go do double unders with no bra, my shorts pulled up into my butt, and heels. My fitness is not about looking sexy, and I find myself getting irritated lately about the emphasis on exercise for the purpose of looking hot. Strong is the New Sexy, hey? That's not really cool with me anymore. How about strong is strong. For once I'd like to do something for me, instead of for some guy that wants to ogle me at LA Fitness, or for the douche-bag boyfriend who just wishes I were a little thinner.
I am thin. I also happen to find myself sexy. I just don't understand why promoting women doing real workouts instead of playing on the elliptical has to include models in full makeup, with artfully aranged hair (see below), who have also been strategically spritzed with "sweat"? Isn't it impressive enough that this woman is (allegedly) doing a weighted back squat? Does she really have to look sexy for a man while she's at it?
 |
| The push-up bra helps counter-balance the weight. |
The worst part of it all is that I took a picture of myself last night after finishing a quick workout in my office. (100 Single Unders, 20 Kettlebell Swings [20lb], 50 Sit Ups, 25 Mountain Climbers, 25 Jack Knives.)
I had intended to send the picture to my cardio partner, A., as proof that I was rocking out and all sweaty. I took the picture at a downward angle as I lay sprawled on my yoga mat, trying to look attractive. Why on earth would I try to look attractive after a workout?! Why would I send a picture that looks down my sports bra and makes my thighs look smaller? Why should it matter?
That's when it occurred to me that I Don't work out to look sexy for other people. I caught myself explaining to my brother the other day that life is more manageable on days that I work out, and that I'm happier and less stressed. I talked about how good it is to think "I can't do that" at the beginning of the WOD and then feel my body be like "F* that noise, I've got this." I told him how when I'm taking care of my body by working out, it spreads into other parts of my life as well-- I keep my apartment cleaner, I cook myself real food instead of eating out, I take the time to get dolled up and take myself out for a nice night. NEVER did I say, "I work out so that way I look sexy and can meet a man."
Today's Reason: Because "F* Them All", this is personal, and it's for me.
PS: I know that probably the majority of women work out in order to look good. That's fine. It is just blatant sexualization of us working out that bothers me. It almost feels like women lifting weights and doing "men's" workouts is a fetish for someone. Gross.
Tuesday, October 23, 2012
I've Got The Power! Now Let's Dance!
Hit the gym bright and early this morning... well early anyway. There was no electricity at the CrossFit box!
Rather than call it off like a bunch of wimps though, we decided to work out in the dark. Here's what we did:
Warm Up:
1 Minute Battle Ropes
1 Length of Walking Lunges
10 Burpees
2 Minute Row
Skill:
Double Unders!
1 Minute Ghost Double Unders
2 Minutes Single Unders
1 Minute Ghost Double Unders
2 Minutes Double Unders
I didn't manage to do any, but I feel like I have a better shot at it now that I know the technique.
WOD:
10-9-8-7-6-5-4-3-2-1
Squat
Ring Row
Dumbbell Push Press (I only used 7.5lb weights, cause I am a failure today)
Knees to Elbows
I finished last, at 12:53.
Finisher:
50 Wall Balls with the 6lb ball.
(This nearly did me in, I wanted to vomit.)
Despite feeling like the finisher nearly finished me, I know I could have pushed myself harder during today's workout. I'm kinda grumpy at myself for walking out of the gym in such good condition. As a result, I'm going to do some more jump rope tonight and some ab work. That brings us to today's Reason: Because I know I can do it.
At work today, I had dance music on all afternoon, and I feel frisky, and want to get up and move! Also kept better track of my food intake today, since I've been slacking on it. Overall, despite LIFE being a pain today, I still feel pretty good. That's the miracle of endorphins I guess!
Rather than call it off like a bunch of wimps though, we decided to work out in the dark. Here's what we did:
Warm Up:
1 Minute Battle Ropes
1 Length of Walking Lunges
10 Burpees
2 Minute Row
Skill:
Double Unders!
1 Minute Ghost Double Unders
2 Minutes Single Unders
1 Minute Ghost Double Unders
2 Minutes Double Unders
I didn't manage to do any, but I feel like I have a better shot at it now that I know the technique.
WOD:
10-9-8-7-6-5-4-3-2-1
Squat
Ring Row
Dumbbell Push Press (I only used 7.5lb weights, cause I am a failure today)
Knees to Elbows
I finished last, at 12:53.
Finisher:
50 Wall Balls with the 6lb ball.
(This nearly did me in, I wanted to vomit.)
Despite feeling like the finisher nearly finished me, I know I could have pushed myself harder during today's workout. I'm kinda grumpy at myself for walking out of the gym in such good condition. As a result, I'm going to do some more jump rope tonight and some ab work. That brings us to today's Reason: Because I know I can do it.
At work today, I had dance music on all afternoon, and I feel frisky, and want to get up and move! Also kept better track of my food intake today, since I've been slacking on it. Overall, despite LIFE being a pain today, I still feel pretty good. That's the miracle of endorphins I guess!
Monday, October 22, 2012
Let's Play Catch-Up
I haven't written in a while. It seems like life got so crazy there that I ceased to exist entirely!
Let's see.
Last Friday I made it to the gym to discover that the WOD was "Angie". For those of you that aren't familiar with CrossFit, Angie is one of the more well-known WODs. It consists of 100 pull-ups, 100 push-ups, 100 sit-ups, and 100 squats. I managed to make it to 60 of each before time ran out, but I felt pretty good about it. My squats still need serious help though.
After work on Friday I drove 3.5 hours up North to my Mum's place and had a quiet evening watching Gran Torino with her and my brother. At 6 the next morning, I took off from there and drove 2 hours to Gaylord to do the Over The Top Extreme 5k at Treetops Resort.
It was a pretty fun mudder, and only minor injuries were sustained in the process of getting disgustingly wet and dirty on a 50 degree rainy day in Northern Michigan. It was brought home to me that despite rocking at the obstacles, I was terrible at the running.
I managed to get completely muddy and covered in soap during the race, and despite being incredibly slow, my 3 woman team took first place for our division! (A testament to how few people were in attendance.) Anyway, because of the post-race chili lunch and awards ceremony, and my inability to get clean using only a cold garden hose, I ended up missing my bridesmaid dress appointment back down in the D. Ooops...
I spent Sunday doing some cardio and napping on a friend's couch and generally feeling like life is pretty good sometimes. This morning would have seen me back at CrossFit for my last week of Groupon goodness, but my shoes are still completely soaking wet, and nothing could convince me to put them on at 5 this morning.
Anyway, the Reason for today is inspired by my weekend: Because I need more cardio endurance.
Let's see.
Last Friday I made it to the gym to discover that the WOD was "Angie". For those of you that aren't familiar with CrossFit, Angie is one of the more well-known WODs. It consists of 100 pull-ups, 100 push-ups, 100 sit-ups, and 100 squats. I managed to make it to 60 of each before time ran out, but I felt pretty good about it. My squats still need serious help though.
After work on Friday I drove 3.5 hours up North to my Mum's place and had a quiet evening watching Gran Torino with her and my brother. At 6 the next morning, I took off from there and drove 2 hours to Gaylord to do the Over The Top Extreme 5k at Treetops Resort.
I managed to get completely muddy and covered in soap during the race, and despite being incredibly slow, my 3 woman team took first place for our division! (A testament to how few people were in attendance.) Anyway, because of the post-race chili lunch and awards ceremony, and my inability to get clean using only a cold garden hose, I ended up missing my bridesmaid dress appointment back down in the D. Ooops...
I spent Sunday doing some cardio and napping on a friend's couch and generally feeling like life is pretty good sometimes. This morning would have seen me back at CrossFit for my last week of Groupon goodness, but my shoes are still completely soaking wet, and nothing could convince me to put them on at 5 this morning.
Anyway, the Reason for today is inspired by my weekend: Because I need more cardio endurance.
Wednesday, October 17, 2012
I better be careful, I'm getting life all over me!
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| Crashing in 3-2-1... |
The idea was to have a few drinks, go to sleep by 11 and then wake up and hit CrossFit this morning. Well, let's just say that I didn't make it to bed until 2:30 AM and then because of all the Coca-Cola I'd had with my Captain's, I just kinda laid awake all night. By the time my alarm went off, I was just relieved that I had an excuse to get up and go.
Understandably, the warm-up at CrossFit this morning was pretty humorous. I looked like a zombie, and today's coach, J, made several comments to that effect. I stumbled through the warm-up with my usual amount of enthusiasm (approximately none) and managed to feel darned good about the rest of the workout.
I was worried when I saw what the WOD was that it would not be challenging enough. Lies! Today was the closest I've ever been to tossing my cookies during a workout. As it is, I finished in 9:08 (only 2 minutes slower than the fastest person) and I feel pretty proud even though I was barely working with any weight. Here's what we did:
.jpg) |
| Dancing is a workout. That's how I meet hotties like this! |
Warm-Up:
Repeat 3x (in seconds)
:20 Lateral Jumps
:10 Squat Bottoms
:20 Squats
:10 Rest
:20 Burpees
:10 Plank
:20 Burpees
:10 Plank
:20 Burpees
Skill:
-Increased weight for Dead Lift -52lbs
WOD: "Jack Bauer" (from the show "24" apparently!)
-Alternate between Sumo Dead Lifts and Kettlebell Swings
Sumo: 21-18-15-12-9-6-3 (I used the 22lb bar)
Kettlebell: 3-6-9-12-15-18-21 (I used the 20lb Kettlebell)
Finisher:
100 Double Unders (200 Singles) Note: I finally managed to do some proper single unders, although I still look like a drugged honey badger when I attempt to do more than one in a row.
This week is a special week at my office. We get free breakfast and lunch each day... and it's delicious and bad for me. It's hard to resist, but I keep telling myself that the salad is FINE and that abs are better than pasta.
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| Lies. |
In other news, my new Olympic barbell came today! 45 pounds that I can certainly dead lift, but will be hard pressed to clean at this point. A nice starter for when I don't have access to the CrossFit gym anymore! I was also expecting a set of Kettlebells for my home gym as well, but there's no sign of them today.
I seriously feel my abs after Monday's workouts, and I'm feeling pretty today as I flounce around my office. I hear that hockey season MAY be back on as early as November 2 as well. These two things combined make today's Reason to Work Out: To take a really awesome Redwings Facebook Fan of the Day picture doing an impressive Snatch in a Wings jersey and some of those cute knee-socks.
Tuesday, October 16, 2012
I want to be her.
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| I wish I were calm, collected, and beautiful, like Her. |
Today is a good day!
Sometimes it's like there are two of me. The one in my head who is strong and graceful and kind and funny and generally exemplifies all of the attributes that I know I'm capable of. The other me is the one that is out here in the real world. I'm flawed and let myself down etc. etc., but mostly this me just seems incomplete while the me in my head is the finished masterpiece.
I want to to be her. The finished one. I love her.
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| Instead, I'm a hot mess most of the time. |
...So how do I go from loving her to hating me? There's a disconnect. In the worlds of John Prine, "Steady losin' means you ain't usin' what you really think is right." I think so. I must be depressed because I know that I'm not living and acting the way I can/should. I hate myself, but love the idea of the person I'm capable of being, so what is stopping me from being her?
Today I didn't go to the gym, but that's OK!! I have made a deal with myself to go at least three times a week, so I'm not going to beat myself up until at least Thursday (lol?). Additionally, I also repeated part of yesterday's CrossFit workout last night in an effort to avoid homework.
-100 Jack Knives
-100 Mountain Climbers
-200 Flutter Kicks
-100 Squats (or what I like to think of as "Squails" because I fail at squats. It's not a witty name, but it does eerily mimic the noise I make when I try to do them.)
Being pepped up about working out, the way I am today is a good way for me to move towards Her. She's strong and fit and beautiful and dedicated... all the things that I could be if I stayed committed to my fitness goals and didn't let my own negative outlook get in my way.
Speaking of beauty, I was inspired today by my boss telling me that I look like I've been working out (as I lifted a giant bag of garbage and teetered off with it to the dumpster out back). He didn't tell me I look skinny, which is what I always kinda wished I was, but that I looked strong. I think I like that better!
I'm not any thinner, but I like myself more. I'm finding the beauty about myself to be within the fact that I can do pretty decent Mountain Climbers and feel like I'm working it successfully. The beauty is in not letting myself down. The beauty is in being proud of my accomplishments (small though they may be at this early stage.) The beauty is in wanting to go back and try again. I love that about myself. Those all make really stupendous Reasons.
Side Note: I went to look up some stock images for "Strong" and I'd like to ask why the Hell all the pictures of strong females focus on pink dumbbells or giant boobs in little sporty sports bras? It's creeping me out. Way to go, world. Sexualizing everything again.
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