The past week I've been seeing things in my left eye. Flashes of light and blurry spots, as if I'm missing part of the picture. I was worried that maybe that fall on my head last year is still having lasting repercussions in addition to my frequent headaches and occasionally forgetting where I am.
A trip to the ophthalmologist and retinal specialist put that worry at ease. It's not in my head. It's not my brain. I'm not imagining it. Unfortunately, that means that there's something wrong with my eye. The doctor found it peculiar that someone my age and in apparent good health could have something wrong with my eye, but he found white spots all over my retina and observed the veins around my eye are leaking. Multifocal Choroiditis and Retinal Vasculitis. These things didn't seem to be such a big deal to him, and he told me to be concerned if they got worse, but it's something else he said that's worrying me.
He told me that this isn't necessarily a problem with my eye, but more like a symptom of something else. He suggested I go get a gallon's worth of blood work done to search for autoimmune disorders.
What if I'm sick? I know people with autoimmune problems-- apparently the great catch-all of "you're sick, and there's nothing we can do". I'm afraid that I'm debilitating before I ever caught my stride and became the strong and vibrant person I've been dreaming of.
That's why I'm so glad that I've finally been finding things that work for me as far as my health goes. I've been working out consistently for a month, which is a lot for me. Usually I give up after a week or two. Today as I tried Piyo for the first time, I realized that I may have run out of excuses for not sticking with things.
I've talked recently about how committed I am to changing my lifestyle and working to get the body and mental clarity that I desire... but it could be that now I MUST eat a certain way and nurture and strengthen my body in order to slow its deterioration.
It's a thought that shakes me to the core and makes me exceptionally grateful that I've got a support group of people who are there to help me stay on track with my fitness.
It would be really easy to let the depression well up and win if it turns out I'm sick. BUT I've got people watching my back, and I'm going to come out the other side of this stronger, one way or another.
The motto for Beach Body this year is "Never Give Up". This usually puts me in mind of Winston Churchill, and his iconic speech reminding us that we shall never surrender.
Wellness Coach Nikki and I took this to heart when we met up on Saturday and we vowed that we will not give up on our goal of getting out of debt before we're 35. This moment is the same, I won't ever give up. I'll never surrender.
Not ever.
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